As this godforsaken year of dung and doo doo comes to an end, I find myself spending a lot of time processing. Or is it struggling? I’m trying to figure out the boundary between self-care and supporting someone I love who is problematic af.
Boundaries are hard, y’all, especially when it comes to my sisters. I would give anything for them. In fact, I’m making one of them a jackrabbit hat, simply because she asked even though I have 12 reindeer hats to make by December 24th. Yet, one of them just takes and takes and takes and gives nothing in return. I feel shitty just typing that, being oblique about which one I am talking about lest a legion of social media fans who have fallen hook, line, and sinker for her persona snitch on me again. Yes, again. People are assholes.
Also, how can it be 2019 and people still have no critical thinking about the facade that is so many people’s social media accounts? WHY, ELLEN WILLIS, WHY?
But this is not about her, shockingly, it is about me. It is about me who is working through anger and so much constant worry and a lot of frustration/helplessness because you cannot help people who do not want your help. How do you show support for someone who only wants a very specific kind of support that is not helpful or productive?
Fucking A family is hard.
Also, wasn’t my lovely new couch that I love supposed to solve all my problems, make my troubles go away, and soothe my soul into contentment? It did not. Though I do love it very much and spend a lot of time petting it (aka brushing off cat hair).
But this is not about family. This is about small delights.
My small delight is cuddlebug Memphis who whenever I sit down with my lap top, crawls in between my legs, and gets into such a tight snuggle there, he bumps the laptop forward a bit, because he wants to be closer, cuddlier, snugger. It’s fucking adorable and it kills me every time.
Another small delight is whenever two of the three Kimball Cats cuddle, as pictured above. My goal is a trifect of cat cuddling, but right now I’ll take any combo of the two I can get.