5:29 a.m. Startled awake by the sound of the snow plows scraping up the eight or nine inches of snow that fell last night. Sounds more like they are trying to scrape away the blacktop. Watch the light of the Bobcats on the wall until they’re done and promptly fall back to sleep.
7:35 a.m. Wake from a dream where I was being bullied at a concert at First Ave which was set up like a junior high cafeteria. It sucked.
8 a.m. – 9:30ish a.m. Listen to The Current and wonder where in the hell Steve Seel went. Throw conspiracy ideas out on Twitter only to have them shot down by people who like to ruin all my psychic predictions. Eat donuts. Drink coffee. Text with the Young Chef.
9:30ish a.m. to 12 p.m. Work. Create a new header for a client’s website, fuss with it, fidget with it, decide it’s okay and upload that shit. Respond to his 88 emails about the header. Investigate the best way to create a super secret password section for a different client’s website. Add a border to a bookcover for a client. Talk to JTo on the phone about the portfolio site I’m making for her. Get a little nostalgic about the “good old days” at Hell, Inc. Ponder going back to office life.
12 p.m. – 1 p.m. Sit on the couch watching “Days of Our Lives” (SHUT UP!) while eating last night’s Family Dinner leftovers (Garlic chicken & fried rice from the Dragon Cafe). Text with the Young Chef.
1 p.m. – 1:30 p.m. Read some of the Internet. Get really angry about rape culture and wish I had the power to light anyone who uses the word ‘slut’ on fire. Look up reviews of Sister Golden Hair by Darcey Steinke hoping to find one that would compel me to finish the pile of nice-enough writing but no plot boringness. Fail.
1:30 p.m. – 2 p.m. Call with a client’s new assistant. Maybe the third or fourth assistant I’ve worked with for this organization. Maybe fifth. It’s been a lot. We talked about newsletters and website updates. She was super funny and charming in her young earnestness. I swore. Twice. But not a granddaddy swear just shit and hell.
2 p.m. – 4 p.m. Work on JTo’s portfolio. Eat a nectarine. Eat some jellybeans. Listen to the streams of Sufjan Stevens’ “Carrie & Lowell” as well as Death Cab for Cutie’s “Kintsugi.” Realize either I was really focused on the portfolio or the only line that stood out on both records was Sufjan’s line about her texting while he masturbates. Wonder if I have some sort of ESP for masturbation references both explicit and implicit (See: Tweedy’s “Summer Noon.”)
4 p.m. – 6:30 p.m. Ponder making dinner right now because I am starving but decide to eat some potato chips with Top the Tator instead. Text picture of Paco licking leftover Top the Tator to Jaycie & Max. Spend 15 minutes texting about fanciness and Top the Tator. Watch “Three’s Company” and realize it is probably one of the stupidest TV shows in the history of TV. It’s awful. At 6, turn the the channel to “A Different World” reruns and sigh dramatically because it’s still the boring Denise episodes. Intermittently get up to put dishes in the dish washer, clean the dining room table, ponder putting the crock pot away for the season.
6:30 p.m. – 7ish p.m. Google “how to halve a recipe that calls for three eggs” read 16 articles about the best way to get half an egg. Make cheddar, bacon, and scallion waffles. Take picture of waffles text it to Young Chef, also post on Instagram to brag. It immediately gets more likes than I’ve ever gotten on any picture ever.
7ish p.m. – 8:49 p.m. Sit on couch with my eyes half-closed enjoying the post-waffle afterglow while “The Way We Were” plays in the background on the TV. Since Parks & Rec ended I don’t really have any “appointment” TV so I just flip through the channels for background noise. Since I only have basic cable my channels are pretty limited, however I do end up watching a lot of the nostalgic channels like MeTV, AntennaTV, and Movie!. I would get rid of basic cable if it not for Conan (obviously) and the fact that it’s cheaper to have basic & internet instead of just internet because cable companies are assholes. Also during this time I discuss my creative process on Twitter: “pacing while singing “New Madrid” through a mouthful of Nutter Butters.” Discuss the epicness of Nutter Butters and “New Madrid” with cool people on Twitter. Also, write this post about my boring Monday.
Prediction: Once I stop typing right here I will get up and clean my waffle mess. At about 9 p.m. I will tune into “Newhart” because it’s always about 1984 on my TV. At 10 p.m. I will tune into Conan, because he’s the reason I still have TV. You’d know this if you read all the other stuff. I will also, maybe, put away some laundry away because the laundry room is ridiculous at the moment. At around 11:30 I will go to bed and read Delicious Foods by James Hannaham. There may be ice cream at some point along with more texting.
The “It’s (Insert Day of Week) and I’m Boring” is a series that Christa and I do to pay homage to the beauty of old-school blogging. (I totally copied this nice explanation from Christa).