How come no one ever mentions popping boners at a rock concert?

I can’t remember who tweeted it or why it even entered my field of vision, but the other night some guy tweeted about panties dropping at a Bruno Mars’ concert. I probably can’t remember it because I suffered brief memory loss due to rage.

Enlightened music dudes (and probably a few dudettes) of the 21st century, you need to stop with this panty dropping/tossing metaphor when it comes to describing female music fans going to see a male singer/band. Well, you can use it if there are actual underthings being tossed and/or dropped. Like literally. But if not, shut it with the panties. And for the sake of everyone, just ditch the word panties from your vocabulary. That word sucks.

So why do you need to stop? First of all, it’s heteronormative bullshit. Not all female music fans are heterosexual. Second of all, it’s a stupid, demeaning sexist trope that you need to retire from your repertoire. Along with describing what a female artist is wearing or looks like or anything about her appearance that has nothing to do with her work.

It might come as a surprise for some music reviewers, but not all female music fans want to fuck the lead singer (or drummer, or anyone on the stage for that matter). In fact, a lot of women I know like the music because it is good and it has nothing to do with the cuteness/hotness of anyone at all.

This is not to say that music can’t be sexually arousing, because heaven help me, it is, and I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes under the influence of a attractive man with good taste in music. But you see there, see how that didn’t actually have anything to do with the appearance of the music makers?

This is to say that I’m sick of you making sexist remarks about the way women enjoy music, specifically live music. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone talking or writing about popping boners or erect penises at a concert. Do men not find music sexually arousing? Or is it that most heterosexual men can’t get over the homoerotic nature of worshipping rock & roll dudes?

I don’t know. But what is this, this women must find a singer sexually attractive to enjoy the music? Where did it start and how do we kill it?

Do we blame this on the way the media spun Elvis and his hips? The girls screaming at The Beatles? It reminds me of a scene from Kicking & Dreaming when Nancy Wilson talked about how puzzled she was by her friends choosing which Beatle to marry when all she and Ann wanted was to be The Beatles.

And while I can understand the swoony teen idol with teen girls thing, at what point do women get to leave that behind? Do we ever? I’m forty-one years old and just a few months ago I got an email from a guy who asked me why I was such a big fan of The Replacements because none of them were that cute.

He seemed to be of the belief that panties must drop for a woman to like music.

Fuck that nonsense.

At first I thought it was me being extra sensitive on Sunday when I saw the phrase. Because of course I always think it’s me and not someone being offensive. Grr. . . After all, my outrage feelers were on high alert after the Zimmerman verdict. But today I was discussing the phrase with my friend Robin who is a writer and music reviewer in St. Louis and she agreed that it’s offensive and induces blood boiling.

Also, it’s just fucking lazy. What does it mean? That a largely female audience was really into the music? Or were they sexually aroused? Is it a compliment to the fans? To the musician? Or is it, as it seems to me, just another way to ostracize female music fans and make them feel less than?

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  1. James 16.Jul.13 at 2:33 pm

    I think it does start with teenage girls liking crap boy band music and being “oh so in love” with them. (I have a teenage daughter. I understand)

    I would never ask a woman why she likes a band, because none of them are cute, except for they are teenage girls and crappy boy bands. 😉

    In Drum Corps (yes, I’m that type of a geek) we call it “throwing babies” when a Corps is really good. I’m not sure that is much better.

    1. Jodi 17.Jul.13 at 11:16 pm

      I wonder how come nobody asks teenage boys why they love some band. It’s as though from the very start society has deemed the things boys love serious and the things girls love silly.

      (also, I have a friend who as a former Drum Corps geek, I’m gonna ask her what’s up with the dropping babies thing)

  2. James 18.Jul.13 at 8:25 am

    People think I like strange bands all the time. Maybe it’s because none of them are cute at all (men or women).

    I think more women just need to be in more bands. Good, bad, and otherwise. I’ve tried to talk my daughter and her friends into starting a punk band, but it’s not going over well.

  3. Ygor 10.Mar.14 at 7:07 pm

    “I dont think Ive ever heard of anyone talking or writing about popping boners or erect penises at a concert.”
    Well, I don’t know about concerts, but I see this all the time on YouTube. Seriously.
    This reminds me of the time I told a friend to listen to Sonata Arctica. Although she liked the music (she loved it, in fact), she started sending me pictures of the band’s lead guitarrist and talking about how cute he was. I told her jokingly that she was going through a delayed puberty, but since sarcasm doesn’t translate so well on written text (and maybe because she was self-conscious of her childlike looks), she was a little offended by that remark. Then she said that guys (myself included) are always drooling over female musicians as well. She does have a point, actually…


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