Two resolutions: One for me & one for the Internet

I’m a little cranky because I just read an awful graphic novel and bad books make me angry. There might be extra vitriol in tonight’s rant when normally there would just be the regular amount of vitriol. You’ve been warned.

Actually, graphic novels have something to do with my resolution. Long about yesterday I decided I should read a graphic novel every week this year. I’m still new to the form, but like any new, shiny object I’m totally enchanted. Also, I’ve already read four so far this month. I’m ahead of the game and I like any resolution I have a good shot at completing. Nothing like stacking the deck, eh?

So if you’ve read an outstanding graphic novel in the past let me know. I’ll be taking suggestions all year.

Okay, the next resolution is for the entire Internet — you, me, and everyone we know. I think 2010 has to be the year we kill the cryptoupdate/cryptoblog.

Now, I know of what I speak. I was the worst offender of the cryptoblog for years and years. I would write these weird passive/aggressive rants about how many problems I was having at work and with my boss, Shakey McDougal. But I never really said what I meant. So now when I look back at them, I have no idea what the fuck I was talking about.

With the spread of Twitter and Facebook the cryptoupdate has gained in popularity and its annoyance has grown exponentially. We all have those friends who update with bullshit like, “thinks that this is all happening quite fast” or “thinking that the last few months have been very interesting on so many levels.” Of course, after such an update there is a flurry of people asking “what the fuck?”

I can never tell if the cryptoupdate is a desperate cry for attention, in which case I guess it succeeds, or is it just the whole passive/aggressive vent thing like I used to do. Regardless, it serves no purpose. It frustrates/puzzles/infuriates your friends and followers, and do you ever feel better because really you aren’t getting anything off your chest. And worse than that, it’s just poor writing. We all know that the best writing uses concrete images and examples.

So here’s the resolution. It’s two-fold.

  1. If you’re a cryptoupdater KNOCK IT OFF in 2010. It’s as easy as that.
  2. If you’re a friend/follower of a cryptoupdater it is your job to call them out on their shenanigans wherever you see it.

Calling out the cryptic is something I actually started doing late in 2009. It’s really quite fun. Oftentimes a simple, “what are you talking” about will suffice. Or, if you’re feeling extra daring (and as you all know, I will dare), I find saying things like “So is this your passive aggressive way of saying John’s an asshole?” cathartic for everyone involved.

We need to band together Internet to scrub our beloved ecosystem of this scourge. I can’t do it alone. And if I ever slip back into my old habits I expect you to call me on my own bullshit.

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  1. Kevin Lawver 22.Jan.10 at 8:54 am

    My all-time favorite graphic novel (well, it was a mini-series) is Enigma by Peter Milligan and Duncan Fegredo. It’s a little superhero-y, but absolutely brilliant and not at all what you expect it to be.

  2. Jason 22.Jan.10 at 11:45 am

    Bottomless Belly Button by Dash Shaw!

  3. Jodi 22.Jan.10 at 11:51 am

    Kevin, I’ve added Enigma to my list.

    Jason, David, the Largeheartedboy, says Bottomless Belly Button is one of his favorites too. Consider it added to the list.

  4. Doug 23.Jan.10 at 1:05 am

    I’m not sure that even with concerted effort we’ll be able to bring down the cryptoupdating on Twitter and Facebook. However, I’m pretty sure that if we are patient people will grow weary of those on their own.

    The glory of the internet is that the novelty wears off everything eventually. It’s just a matter of playing the waiting game.

    Which, of course, sucks, so let’s play Hungry Hungry Hipppos…

  5. FS 25.Jan.10 at 2:52 pm

    I disagree. My actual friends know what I’m talking about, and who cares about the other people?

  6. ldfs 25.Jan.10 at 5:00 pm

    Graphic novel recommendation: Fun Home, by Allison Bechdel

    Regarding the cryptoblog/cryptoupdate: Call it passive aggressive if you wish, but I think some people post those things because they *want* to be drawn out a bit by their friends. It makes them feel people care. Sometimes you want to talk about something that’s bothering you or on your mind, but you feel the need to be invited to do so. You want to get a sense people care to hear more.


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