The cease and desist order

Dear 6:30 a.m.,

It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry 6:30 a.m. I know I must have looked quite delectable this morning with the nice buttery sheet wrapped around me, all peaceful and sleeping. The birds were chirping and the sky was overcast. And that gentle breeze coming through the open window? That was awesome. So I can understand how you probably couldn’t resist, 6:30 a.m. Maybe you were extra curious about the Post-it Note Morning Song (“Keep it Up” by Soul Asylum). Maybe you were just really happy to embrace the day and have a healthy breakfast or some such bullshit.

But here’s the thing 6:30 a.m., you can blow me. We are not friends. We’ve never been friends and we’ll never be friends. I do not function well during the day when it starts that early. There’s no need for this kind of nonsense. I do just fine with my friend 7:30 a.m.

Maybe in your eagerness to get that early worm, you didn’t notice that I was up later than usual with Kevin Brockmeier’s A Brief History of the Dead. So seeing you 6:30 a.m. was not my idea of a good morning.

Here’s the real deal, and I know this probably hurts, but I love 7:30 a.m. We’ve been together a long time. 7:30 a.m. understands me. He gets that I need to have the occasional weekend dalliance with 8:30 a.m. and he’s totally cool like that.

So you see 6:30 a.m. there’s no room in my heart for you. Thanks for the introduction and all, but you need to go away. I hope you understand 6:30 a.m. And if you decide to show up again tomorrow, there will be trouble.

Got it?

Yours ’til Niagara Falls,

(Visited 26 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Cap'n 15.May.07 at 8:01 pm

    6:30AM and I have to deal with each other every weekday.

  2. Jodi 15.May.07 at 8:01 pm

    Well I hope you and 6:30 a.m. have a very happy and fulfilling relationship.

  3. UH 15.May.07 at 10:01 pm

    Yeah, for cryin’ out loud, I’m already commuting at 6:30.

  4. Jodi 15.May.07 at 10:16 pm

    What is your point?

  5. kelly 16.May.07 at 8:34 am

    I’m going to jump on this train…I’m up and at’um by 6:30 and when you and your love 7:30 are beginning to bond I’m already at work working.

  6. Jodi 16.May.07 at 9:50 am

    Well now. I think you all can just go have a fun, soulless, mindless orgy with 6:30 a.m. I will stay happy in my loving, monogamous relationship with 7:30.

  7. PeeWee 16.May.07 at 5:43 pm

    Morning people are so self-congratulatory. Where are these people at 2am when we are still up?


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