i’m doing my part

Dear Senators Wellstone and Dayton,

I know you’re a little busy what with this war on terrorism and all the anthrax nonsense. But I’d like to bring to your attention an issue that will effect our country long after Osama has been brought to justice.

The issue facing our nation is sweatpants. I will save the mullet letter for another day. Today we must discuss sweatpants and how they should not be allowed to exist outside one’s area of residence.

Isn’t there some sort of legislation that can be passed forcing sweatpants makers to include a safety switch of some sort within the actual material of the pants? Couldn’t we make it so the pants spontaneously combust when the wearer ventures out of their domain? Is there a way to allow the pants to immediately drop to the offending-wearers ankles when they are in public, with no way to get them to stay up?

Really, there must be something with can do about this terrible affront to all that is good, common and American. We must no longer stand idly by while a few fashion-impaired individuals make a mockery of all that is decent.

I implore you honorable Senators to do something about this atrocity. I’ll be organizing a lobbying effort with Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein and some friends from work. We have the ability to contribute mucho dinero to your re-election efforts. You know that Norm might be a tough opponent to beat.

Just think of the votes you can garner from the fashion industry by outlawing these terrible pieces of cloth.

I thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Jodi Chromey
Prior Lake, MN

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10 Comments

  1. Carol 18.Oct.01 at 3:07 pm

    I’d also like to propose legislation against those noise, swoosy wind pants.

    Reply
  2. Carol 18.Oct.01 at 3:08 pm

    I meant “noisy” and “swooshy.” How can I write letters to politicians? I can’t even spell. Jodi, we’re depending on you!

    Reply
  3. paige 18.Oct.01 at 5:40 pm

    What about those sweatpant-like things that have patterns on them, like zebra stripes, or paisly – the bright neon ones? The ones that seem to be indigenous to Minnesota and Wisconsin men? What are those, and can we PLEASE include them in your letter?

    Reply
  4. Edge 18.Oct.01 at 6:58 pm

    Or those workout pants that the muscle-steroid boys wear? They crack me up!

    Reply
  5. Kevin 19.Oct.01 at 7:29 am

    I’d like to attach a rider to this bill that outlaws matching warmup suit for mobsters and retired couples in any area of the United States other than New Jersey and Florida.

    Reply
  6. jodi 19.Oct.01 at 7:47 am

    see, this woman i work with has worn sweatpants to work the past two days. this is a woman who aspires to be one of our national account managers. which means she would deal with big retail and etail accounts like best buy, staples and amazon.

    i am sure sweat pants are the way to impress the big bosses with your buisness savvy.

    Reply
  7. andrea 19.Oct.01 at 9:04 am

    carol, i think i like the spelling “swoosy” better. it’s fun to say… swoooooosy.

    heehee

    Reply
  8. betsy 19.Oct.01 at 5:28 pm

    Hey Jodi, didn’t belittling others for their clothing choices go out in elementary school. It’s not really nice. Sweats are comfortable. It’s what’s inside a person that counts. Your criticism of a coworker comes across as catty. You want Matt Dillon and John Cusak to accept you as a “tall fat freak” (your description not mine) but you want to dictate others’ dress. You get what you give. Be kind.

    Reply
  9. Susan 19.Oct.01 at 9:19 pm

    Whatever. Sweat pants at work? Yeah, right! :-p

    Reply
  10. Betsy 20.Oct.01 at 9:25 am

    Our Ms. Jodi Chromudgeon stated she wears shorts, wool socks and Birkenstocks to work, then she complains about sweats at work. Do you think she may be jealous of her coworker rather than really concerned about looking professional at work?

    Reply

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