Googling under the influence of slow, sappy Wilco songs can be hazardous to your mental health

There comes a time in the night after being awake for so many hours (insomnia can suck my left one) when your computer should just automatically turn off because nothing good could come from anything that you’re gonna do. Nothing.

For some reason I decided at about midnight it would be a good idea to Google every guy I’ve ever slept with, and a few of the ones I wanted to sleep with. This is never, ever a good idea. Not ever.

And yet, I did it. I Googled wantonly with lust in my heart. Now I’m sitting here lonely, horny, and depressed. I think we need another word for horny that isn’t aroused. Because horny is just so unclassy, and I’m a classy dame.

What was I thinking? I Googled them all. ALL OF THEM. Well, except Gross Guy because I can’t remember his last name. I think I’ve blocked that from my memory.

Obviously my life has been going too swimmingly because I decided all on my own that it’d be a good idea to see if I could check up on every man that broke my heart. I’ve only been the heartbreaker once, and I still can’t talk about it.

Why? Was I hoping to find out that they had all started blogs lamenting their lives and how they let the one perfect 6’5″ girl get away? Did I want them to all be happy and moved on and living a life I want?

It’s become absolutely clear to me that I do not do enough drugs. If I were high or drunk maybe I’d have found something to occupy my over-active mind, something other then Google.

Because now I’ve leveled myself. I’m pining for every jerkwad I ever let touch me, and worse than that, I’m back to wondering what in the hell my problem is. I generally try to ignore my singlehood and lack of a romantic life. I figure if I don’t think about it, it can’t bother me. Out of sight, out of mind or some such bullshit.

A lot of times I think I might be the stupidest woman to ever trod the Internet.

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4 Comments

  1. Lori 23.Dec.06 at 9:49 am

    Knowing the mental can of worms (and I am convinced my brain is made of worms) it would open, I refuse to let myself view my ex’s MySpace account. I know he posts picutres, and I just can’t expose my fragile psyche to his new life — not just the girls, but the music and books and everything else that sums up the new him minus me.

    Reply
  2. UH 23.Dec.06 at 10:25 pm

    “(insomnia can suck my left one)”

    Can I have the right one?

    Reply
  3. Jodi 24.Dec.06 at 12:38 am

    Well, it is currently up for grabs. . . ha! I slay me.

    Reply
  4. Pingback: My Christmas wish for you, darling ones | iwilldare.com

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