After a harrowing, multi-state search, Sister #2 found our beloved planners at an Office Depot in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I say harrowing because when we went to Target to get the planners that sell out so fast you practically have to get them on opening day, they had none. At all. The beloved Keepin’ Tabs were gone. We went to other Targets, to Walgreens, Snyders, and Office Max. We even conned the Stink into entering a Walmart to find the beloved Keepin’ Tabs. Eventually, I just called Mead to see what the scoop was. The nice Mead lady took my order for two Keepin’ Tabs planners. And that was like 2 and a half weeks ago. We’ve heard nothing from them since.
Then, last week, Sister #2 called me from somewhere in North Dakota, but I missed her call. When I called her back she told me she had found something by Mead called the Upper Class planner. She claimed it looked just like the Keepin’ Tabs, but because she couldn’t get my confirmation she didn’t get them.
Alas! The hunt for these new Upper Class planners began. Then yesterday she pulled in with the ill-gotten booty in hand. I was never so happy to see a stack of wirebound paper in my life.
And today I’ve been spending my time writing in all the important birthdays and what not into my new planner, while reviewing the year that just past.
Here are the highlights from last year’s keepin’ tabs:
“It’s like hearing Strawberry Shortcake swear.”
“Let’s see this picnic slut,” Seamus.
Vivian born – FFJ’s baby
“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” Max.
Really Fit, The Streets
“Her laughter was a question he would spend the rest of his life answering.”
“I think it would be a very good idea if you didn’t break my heart.”
I slept with him! What was I thinking?
“You are such a hipster”
“I live in Prior Lake, how can I be a hipster?”
“You are adding snark where there is no snark.”
St. Marks burns
“I wonder how she felt when she fell for him or away from loneliness.”
“I know that you think you’re the star, but an uptight copywriter is all that you are.”
Mike Doughty presale 10 a.m.
“Prime the pump,” Cath.
“I think 9:20 is the new 9,” Seamus.
“He’s just going to hump her, why does he have to be so picky?” Al
“I think that’s contributed to the rise in popularity of clogging,” The Colonel
The best characters are the ones you don’t want to have lunch with.
Semicolon: less than a period more than a comma
“He’ll pick up a lot of chicks?”
“of course, because he’ll look gay.”
“Are you wearing a skirt too?”
“It’s sort of a flowy, drapey tunic.”
Ground Control to Major Tom
Add Kim the Waitress to Hips playlist
Download Awful Bliss by Guided by Voices — “anti I Will Dare.”
Bring North American Review to class
My First Mister
So bored I might die
The exhalation right before “Shane” starts – Liz Phair
The pause in “Can’t Hardly Wait” I’ll be home when I’m sleeping . . . I can’t wait. . .”
The first woohoo in Weezer’s Buddy Holly
Veronica by Mary Gaitskill
Bottle clack and fucked it up at the end of the Treatment Bound
“Suck it up, get the Christmas spirit and buy me a dildo, man,” Sister #3
When Joan Jett says spring all goofy and out of tune after Paul says “When the little blue bird who has never said a word starts to sing”
“I was so hot, I took the DJ home.”
“I’m all about eating the dog food or whatever.”
Add Come on feel the Illinoise to writing list
The bleating at the end of Matthew Sweet’s Evergreen
Conundrum – Al
Amalgamated – Jayto
Bring Rob’s story to class
Add Dice Behind your Shades to I write the book
“Let’s keep our underwear in our pants.”
Add Cold Hard Bitch to Hips Playlist (on a giant yellow Post-It Note)
Get House of Pain’s Jump Around
“You need to get over the divorce.”
“Not that I advocate the slitting of throats. But I kind of like it.”
She’s the cheese and I’m the macaroni
Amerpsand after ampersand
“You can’t write so much as type”
Add Marah’s Independent Record Store song to Hips list
Coupland book + nerdiness
Nerd Sex — rolling die, charm, batman t-shirt
Allison — Roommate had sex in her bed and other roomies had sex on everything she owned
Send Kelly Passenger Side by Wilco (I don’t think I’ve done this yet)
Absalom Absalom – William Faulkner
The Sound & the Fury – William Faulkner
Add Olds 97 Friends Forever to Write the Book
Add Little Sister by Rufus Wainwright to Hips list
Mike Doughty Basilica, steps, perfectness
“When you make mine, don’t make it too offensive”
Add Liz Phair’s Jealousy to Hips playlist
“I had to go around that mulberry bush.”
“If I didn’t have to go to that frickin’ fucking meeting,” Jayto
Also stuffed in the pages of the Keepin’ Tabs is an article I ripped out of the Rake, to send the TTHM back in February, two amazon gift receipts for birthday gifts that I still need to send thank you cards for, a penguin painting, three business cards, and the cliches from the Writer’s Workshop Drinking Game.