1. I feel as though Wonder Woman’s shapely thighs and ample bosom is mocking me. I flipped the calendar today and this month’s superhero art has this caption: “The Amazon Princess breaks up a terrorist junta in the opening scene from Wonder Woman: Spirit of Truth, a graphic album written by Paul Dini. Instead it should say: The Amazon Princess thinks you’re a desk-working slug with flabby thighs and unheroic breasts.”

2. This headache should pack its bags and shuffle off to Buffalo.

3. The Sixth Anniversary of iwilldare.com is on July 31st. I can’t tell yet how this makes me feel.

4. My uterus, much like my headache, can get the fuck outta Dodge.

5. If there was ever gonna be a five, I would tell you how my nephew Cade demanded to see all five of my tattoos yesterday, but since there is no five I will not tell you about that.

6. Kathleen Turner Overdrive keeps serving up a copious amount of Frank Sinatra songs when the only thing my headache will tolerate is “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates and “Come Dancing” by the Kinks.

7. I told myself if I still feel like shit when I get home, I can totally lay down and possibly take a nap.