after tonight, i have a sneaking suspicion that my headphones will have actually fused to my ears. i’ve been wearing them since i got home. sometime between the time i left work and my arrival home, i decided that i was just not going to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. i just don’t have the energy to entertain and/or inform anyone. it’s totally selfish and i don’t care. for some reason, i just need to be alone inside my head.

of course that has left Sister #4, she who has never shut up ever in her entire life, to think i am mad at her. but i am not mad at her. tonight, i could not care less about her. i don’t care about her friends or their relationships or whatever the heinous injustice perpetrated on her today was (and there’s always a heinous injustice of the day).

tonight i am only capable of communicating via grunts and vauge facial gestures. i cannot be taxed with the actual commnicating of ideas and emotions using words. if i could grunt at her in the right way she would understand that i am not talking to anyone, i am not answering the phone, responding to e-mail or chatting with anyone.

instead, i have locked myself inside my head, kind of, but not really, thinking about the utterly brilliant short story i’ll be writing this weekend. i am not thinking about how crabby, stressed out, and exhausted i am (because the sleep has decided it does not live here anymore). i am not thinking about work. i am not thinking about how rude it is not to talk to anyone without explanation.

i am thinking about how delightfully selfish this is (made nearly sinful by the ice cream), and how everyone can just suck it up for one night.