dear carl newman of the new pornographers,

hi. it’s me. i was the girl in the upper left nosebleed section tonight. the one wearing the orange sweater. you probably couldn’t see me. i was the one trying to send you my patented Make Sweet Sweet Love to Me™ vibes. somehow i think the chandelier got in the way of you actually picking up on the vibes, because well, i am sitting here with jed in my lap and not you. i suspect that somewhere in Stevens Point, Wisconsin there’s a strange curly orange-blonde-haired man that suddenly has the strangest desire to make love to a 6’5″ woman with Rainbow Brite hair.

so alas carl, it wasn’t meant to be (tonight). that being said, i just want you to know that i would really like to nibble your thighs. well, really just the left thigh. why? because the way you shook that leg was just really damn attractive. you have nice shoulders too.

the music though. . . well carl you need to talk to your soundperson. perhaps for those in the more civilized sections of the Orpheum in Minneapolis the sound was great. but for those of us in the upper left nosebleed section, we could barely make out what the hell you were saying. the vocals were okay, i think. i’m not sure if it was because i new what you’d be saying being as i know all the songs by heart or if they were clear. but whenever you talked me and ChiliD would just look at each other with that ‘huh?’ look on our faces.

anyway carl, i just wanted to let you know that i really did enjoy “The Slow Descent into Alcoholism” and ChiliD was super stoked when you played “The Jessica Numbers.” i have to admit i even squealed a bit at “Mass Romantic.” though i wished you’d’ve brought Neko with you, because it’s my life’s goal to hear you two play “Letter From an Occupant.” that song’s so rad that i made ChiliD listen to it on Kathleen Turner Overdrive between sets (that is until Chicken Payback came on and then i made him listen to me sing that song).

my point is, carl-love, that you really need to come back to MPLS. we’ll show you a good time, i promise. just next time, ditch the british blokes, they totally hogged all the time and i feel like i didn’t get the porno fix that i wanted.

love you lots,
jodi