top 7 reasons to not throw myself off a bridge on the way home tonight:
1. c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, the new paul westerberg song i’m thinking of making it my new theme song
2. i’d be leaving behind a half-full bag of cheetos and an entire unwatched disc of dawson’s creek
3. i am really happy that my babysister and her fiance are starting their new life together in a beautiful house they just bought and there’s really no reason at all to be bitter as i sit in my messy bachelorette pad that i rent
4. i still have my sense of humor
P. if i was dead i there might be a five and i cannot let that happen, not on my watch
6. THERE ARE ONLY 18 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY and i wouldn’t want anyone to have to return the gift they got me
7. being dead would totally, totally harsh my buzz