in John Irving’s Hotel New Hamsphire one of the characters kills herself by leaping out of an open window. it’s been nearly a dozen years since i’ve read Irving’s novel, but i think she kills herself because she has writer’s block or something. at least, that’s what i’ve decided. I might have to add Hotel New Hampshire to the re-read list after i finish Vonnegut’s God bless you, Mr. Rosewater.

anyway, in the book, the window-jumper’s siblings start telling each other to “keep passing the open windows” a sort of buck-up, it’s gonna be ok, don’t do anything crazy.

so, i keep passing the open windows.

actually, i think the funk is departing. last night i left work (at 7:30) and the clouds parted both literally and figuratively and the sun shone down on me. it was glorious and just feeling the warm sun on my face made me feel better (for the record i think it’s been cloud and rainy every single day this may here in MPLS). as i drove to sister #4’s new abode, i felt a little bit of dread in the pit of my stomach. for some reason the house-buying has smacked me in the face way more than the impending-wedding.i’m weird like that.

plus, there’s still that residual rob at the counter of championship-ness hanging about my soul. i found out that another friend of mine is pregant which means that i’m the only unpregnant woman on earth. again, with the everyone moving onto the next stage and me standing at the counter.

but so, i got to sister #4’s and looked around. her place is adorable. and after we got all of her and jose’s junk moved in, my family and i sat around in the boxes and the oddly placed furniture to finalize plans for Sister #2’s graduation party next weekend (yes, my sister is graduating from college at age 30. i am so proud of her i could burst). it was at the moment that i was so overcome with the joy of it all that i sort of wanted to kick my own ass for the week-long pity party i’ve been attending.

there’s just so much to be happy about, so much to rejoice in that i cannot waste this time being all whiny and sad because I feel like i’m not going anywhere. there’s so much joy out there and i am totally wasting it by being selfish and self-involved. so i’ve decided to blink the lights and told the self-pity that it doesn’t have to go home, but it can’t stay here. i got too much to do.