in seven days i will be 33 and still alone

the sunshine and warm weather is mocking me. i’m in a pissed off and crabby sort of mood. it’s like the black sundayness of last night has leaked over into today. i’m bored and restless and it’s my fault because i decided today would be the one day of the long weekend that i would just hangout with myself and be anti-social. only now, it’s making me feel like i’m a no-friend loser with nothing to do. never you mind that i was social and having fun the other two days of the long weekend. you can also bet your bottom dollar that if i had something to do today, i would be pissed off and crabby that i didn’t get any alone time this weekend.

thus is the life of a fickle gemini who is always of two minds on everything at all times.

last night i wanted to cry giant tears of self pity. i was lonely and alone and it seemed like it just might be the end of the world. so to make things a little better i talked to my friend the reporter.

“oh you’re just in that i’m gonna be alone until i’m 90 and nobody’s gonna love me ever place,” he said.
“but i am!” i whined.
“you’re being melodramatic.”
“i’m gonna die and the cats are gonna eat my face.”
“everyone gets like that,” he said.

somehow that was not comforting. i thought my lonely tears were as unique as snowflakes, but apparentely they are just like big buckets of rain that everyone else cries.

i should have written this two hours ago. i feel better already just having it outside of me and somewhere else for awhile. maybe now i’ll have the emotional fortitude to clean the kitchen.

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1 Comment

  1. PeeWee 31.May.05 at 5:39 pm

    Nothing like getting out of a nine year marriage to make me happy to be alone!
    Hang in there Jodi. If he is worth your love, he is worth waiting for.