tonight i got to play grumpy tech support person for sister #3. seems her computer was knocked up by some sort of something that caused it to produce copious amounts of annoying pop-up windows advertising gay porn. since i am a good sister and since i’m going to need an oil change in about a week, i drove out to her house (located just left of the middle of nowhere) to fix her computer.
i had a grand time playing with the kidlings while we waited for the virus scan to run. we played the 1-2-3 game which entails either nolie or cade to bounce on my knees and then on the count of three i lift them over my head and they try to take off my glasses. lucky for me i have go-go gadget arms and they can’t quite reach. it’s great fun.
eventually the time came for me to leave. while i was stuck just to the left of the middle of nowhere it started snowing zebras and elephants. snowing like a motherfucker for all its worth, making the roads absolutely wretched. i was doing fine, driving at a turtle’s pace. that was until i got to highway 18.
eighteen is a slighty twisty turny road that climbs a hill. i was doing fine until i hit the very last curve. then before i knew what was happening, ruby and i were transported into God’s pinball game, and we were the ball. we slid to the right and headed toward the ditch, then we slid to the left towards the cement divider, and then we slid up and over the divider and into the ditch on the far left and then we slid a little more. until we were facing the uphill way on the downhill side of the highway.
at that point i couldn’t decide whether to pee my pants or to have a heartattack or to burst into tears.
lucky for me i didn’t have to do decide because a hummer came barreling towards me. i didn’t know if he realized i was blocking the entire road or not, because while i started to crap my pants, i threw ruby into reverse, went down the hill the right way and got the hell out of hummer’s way.
i have no idea if ruby’s damaged at all. i don’t know what kind of damage hopping over a cement embankment can do to a poor little truck. all i know is that somehow my shaking hands navigated the way home, and that there is no amount of money that’s gonna get me to go out tomorrow.