employee of the month

the 378th Sloppy Joe Bowling Tournament (SJBT) began this morning. the tournament got its name because the bowlers seem to be insane sloppy joe freaks. i can’t quite understand why, because it’s ground beef and a can of manwich. i know there’s nothing quite like a manwich sandwich, but come on. you would think that we had some sort of super secret sloppy joe recipe. but we don’t. we don’t even pretend like we do. but the bowler’s always rave about the sloppy joes. sister #3 thinks that perhaps they taste better fetering with bowling alley germs and surrounded by the smell of 30-year-old stale cigarette smoke.

so this morning i had to rouse myself at 7 a.m. in the morning to go to the bowling alley. being at the bowling alley so early this morning goes against all that i hold true and dear (that’d be the 18th commandment of supergeniusdom: one should never, ever, not ever return to work less than 12 hours after they left). but i am a good and loyal daughter and rouse myself i did. in fact, i did so good with the rousing that i was only like 4 mintues late, surprising most of the fam.

i really wanted to be on time. because, last night i was on time and tht would have made two times in a row that i was on time, and would have totally put me in the running for employee of the month.

sister #4, tony, wes (my dad’s little assistant, because clearly my dad has grown tired of bossing the sisters and i around), and i joke constantly about being employee of the month. occassionally, sister #2 will join in the jesting. but it seems she might be above that. and sister #4 is entirely above working at the bowling alley, which makes me call her a slutty, slutty bitch (which really has nothing to do with sleeping around and everything to do with not working at the bowling alley).

being the employee of the month is no easy task. it’s very easy to get knocked out of the running. for instance, i was knocked out today not only for being late (which is usually why i NEVER get to be employee of the month) but beause i opened a new box of potato chips when there was already one open. then i forgot to close the beer cooler in a timely manner. it was a bad day for the supergenius. tony did come to my defense, saying that i stock the beer cooler every friday night and that should count for something.

but then wes reminded him of that time i was really, super later than usual and made everyone panic. that damn wes.

i told them next week i was going to return with an employee manual that clearly laid out the guidelines for what sorts of behavior one should practice to win the coveted employee of the month spot. so far the list we’ve come up with includes:
• stirring the sloppy joes clockwise
• anticipating the customer’s needs (which means remembering what kind of beer they drink)
• helping the customer before taking your turn while playing cards
• smiling at every third customer who approaches the bar
• not making friday blake get his own candy or making the bowlers put away their own shoes and cleaning up their own tables (my mom added this one, which is totally unfair because she’s clearly just jealous that i have trained my friday night guys in the art of being a good and conscientious bowler)

i bet you had no idea it was so hard to work at a bowling alley.

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2 Comments

  1. UH 19.Feb.05 at 3:58 pm

    Manwich sucks ass. True sloppy joes are always made from scratch with tomato paste and a secret combination of spices.

    Also, one is required to eat crinkle-cut french fries, deep fried in 100% canola oil, when one has sloppy joes.

  2. Wendy 19.Feb.05 at 7:27 pm

    I love your bowling alley stories. Almost as much as the Max stories.