a year ago today, i got an e-mail from a tall, tall handsome man who had seen a personal ad i had on citypages.com. i placed the ad in a fit of “i’m gonna be fucking happy if it kills me” that possessed me shortly after the entire outlaw debacle. a debacle that still makes my stomach kind of turn.

i can’t read the e-mail anymore, even though i still have it. it’s an e-mail so filled with wonder and delight that it’s nearly painful. to think that someone, specifically some man, could be so in awe of getting to know me just stuns me, still. i don’t read the e-mail because it makes me cry giant, longing, wistful tears because i just want so badly for someone to feel that way about me again.

he ended that first e-mail with the line “i miss you already.” that’s what got me. right off the bat. you know how much i love to be missed. to think that someone actually thought about me when i wasn’t around just rocked me. i was so enamored. some of those first entries are too hard for me to read. i just wanted so much, so badly. it’s almost embarrassing how much my heart was on my sleeve.

but this isn’t about that. it’s about a year. how one day you’re just you and then the next day someone enters your life and changes it forever. a year ago today, almost exactly to the hour, my life was changed forever.

having the TTHM in my life has been quite an adventure. there isn’t much that i can say, that hasn’t already been said.. all i know is that despite everything and though it never turned into the burning romance i wanted, he’s become my very best friend and having in my life makes me quite happy.