i’m a girl mostly made of pain

oh, i’ve got it. i had a dream last night, a beautiful, sad, melancholy dream. i think the dream has washed over the day, tinting it a foggy blue. the dream was so

dimestore dream interpreters, have at it.

we were upstairs in a loft type thing. i think it was supposed to be the old cross country house on second ave. we were the age we are now, but it was a crazy old college party of some sort. i’m not quite sure. but there were tons of the runners there, after all, it was their house.

and then there was chuck and me rolling around on the floor. chuck was a boy i loved we my whole 22-23-year-old heart. he looked exactly the same. we were getting it on, it was great fun but not quite working for me. he was disappointed that despite his best oral efforts i wasn’t gonna finish, so to speak. i think he might have cried. but then we just laid there on the floor holding each other. he kept saying how much he had been looking forward to this, how long he’d been waiting. i just enjoyed the feeling of him in my arms. it was glorious.

then we were in the living room, semi-clothed, with a bunch of other semi-clothed college classmates. he was re-introducing them to me all. they had all changed so much. then dave, the graphicsboy from the college newspaper who i had a GIANT crush on came in. he was very distraught having spent some significant time looking for chuck. dave was exactly the same, same mullet, same beautiful, stunning blue eyes. he was telling us about his girlfriend. i was looking out a window that overlook my aunt jan and uncle art’s house in roseville. i was watching as a truck pulled away the house next door to them. there was a wide, clear creek bubbling next to the house i was in and running past jan and arts house. i told them about how their house used to be surrounded by neighbors, but now they looked like they were on their own tiny island.

then dave blurted that he and his girlfriend had gotten married. there was much rejoicing. chuck cried as he held my hand, so happy for dave and his girlfriend. then i wandered off to talk to aaron, someone i haven’t seen in ages. when i returned chuck was gone, and left no way to get a hold of him. i stood there crying, then i woke up.

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