it’s a jayhawks sort of day. “blue,” “i’d run away,” and “bad time” have had their fair share of time on the Winamp this morning. i’m feeling a little sorry for myself this morning and it’s generally pissing me off. i’m trying to cajole myself into a better mood. so far it’s not working so well, but it’s still early. i hold out hope that the rest of the day will be much brighter.

ahh, fuck it. i’m upset about something the TTHM said casually in an off-hand way last night on the phone. he made a comment about how lonely he was and how he hadn’t had a phone call since december. of course, i was thinking, ‘hmm, i do believe i just made your phone ring 10 minutes ago.’

so really i feel like, clearly, i’m not someone. i don’t count. obviously there’s someone much more imporant who should be calling you and making you feel worthy and good and what not.

but really, it’s more than that. because i KNOW that’s not what he meant at all. yet it still bugs me, which is what upsets me the most. the fact that i was bothered by this comment is driving me nuts.

and what drives me the most nuts about it all, is i do/say the exact same sorts of things all the time. ALL THE DAMN time and it’s just shitty. it’s a shitty thing to say and i really need to stop doing that. i don’t want anyone to feel as worthless and unimportant as i did last night because of some off-hand, woe-is-me, self-pitying melodramatic comment i made.

phew, i feel better already.