i tried to write this thing about crushes for the newly redesigned bittersweetheart, but it was going like a train wreck. i only got about four paragraphs in when i had to hang it up. it was making no sense, even to me. i wanted to capture what it’s like to have a crush. to be in that totally enthralled, learning something new about someone interesting and not being able to wait to learn more. but it wasn’t working.

see, i’ve got a lot of crushes. probably four or five at the moment. but they’re just crushes, just people i want to get to know more of. probably two of them, maybe 1.5 have evolved to the ohmygod i want to smooch him all night phase. the rest are in that, “he’s totally cool i want to hang with him” phase. this is usually the phase where i scare them all off. my exuberance in wanting to get to know someone can be totally intimidating. i think i come off as too intense. i think men read that exuberance and intensity as i want to settle down and buy a house in the suburbs and have 2.3 kids righthisverysecond. which really couldn’t be farther than the truth.