since today is the unofficial last day of summer, and school starts tomorrow, i present:
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
By Jodi C.

01. turned 31
02. didn’t go to the Dixie Chicks concert for my 31st birthday with the sister club
03. learned there are nudists that want to go bowling
04. lost my beloved hairdresser
0J. found my beloved hairdresser
06. took a chance
07. took a class
08. learned that i love writing more than most anything else on earth (even masturbating)
09. got over a broken heart
10. learned a good friend has been having an illicit affair for years

11. threw an anniversary party for my parents
12. bought three new pairs of shoes
13. learned my grammu is dying
14. worked my ass off
15. met someone who makes my heart beat goofy
16. met a man who will change my life
17. met a man who made me think
18. told you that these might not necessarily be the same men
19. wrote things that i am proud of
20. got a promotion
21. raised money for a good cause
22. donated moeny to a few good causes
23. became a card carrying member of the ACLU
24. had an illicit affair of my own
25. began to develop some patience
26. had my feelings hurt
27. had my heart hurt
28. didn’t sleep much
29. edited a book
30. wrote an entire short story
31. remembered that i know how to flirt
32. flirted, a lot
33. went to the fair
34. went to the movies with my dad
35. let people in
36. was disappointed
37. raged against the machine
38. started doing yoga again
39. started writing a story where the main character is a pair of nipples
40. discovered leonard cohen
41. and self
42. asked for help (twice)
43. was handsomely rewarded with kind, generous help
44. was given my first deck of playing cards
45. lost 8 pounds
46. bought jeans that were a size smaller than previous jeans
47. gave in to my inner 14 year old
48. and didn’t regret it a single bit
49. ordered new, unsuperheroed checks
50. earned the respect of my peers
51. vented a lot
52. talked on the phone like a giggly 15 year old girl with a crush
53. went on a few dates
54. started to eat my vegetables
55. took a nap
56. gave oberon a virus
57. fixed him
58. cried
59. laughed
60. bumped my head in the shower so hard it still hurts (i bumped it on friday)
61. played kickball
62. worked up a sweat
63. convinced max that penguins live on the top floor of canterbury park
64. redesigned my web site
65. bought a new camera
66. took a gozillion pictures
67. discovered the joy of NPR
68. made a mix tape
69. learned i’m gonna get another nephew
70. bought new underpants
71. saw douglas coupland read
72. read 8 books
73. discovered the power of unadulterated sexxiness in the shaking hips of the man at the fair
74. was so lonesome i could cry
75. but not nearly as much as last summer
76. ate cheese curds in menomonie
77. cooked for someone i was romantically interested in for the first time in my entire life
78. ate a hot turkey sammich at the Norske Nook
79. designed a web site for my brother in law
80. checked my e-mail roughly 439,298,384 times
81. passed up the opportunity to add 2 inches to my penis on a daily basis
82. started writing for backwash again
83. and restarted bittersweetheart for the 3,932 time
84. got ruby a new serpentine belt
85. discovered ruby needs new brakes
86. avoided getting ruby new brakes for fear of dealing with mean mechnical men
87. finally stopped listening to “save it for a rainy day” by the jayhawks
88. moved the stereo from the bedroom to the living room for optimum “this american life” listening
89. was sung to
90. learned that tony the waiter at chammps had an existential crisis while in religion school or whatever and then became a waiter at chammps
91. masturbated
92. took sister #3 as my confidante
93. was yelled at by a techwriter
94. got a tattoo
95. discovered that my laugh is magic
96. confessed by rescue fantasy
97. dreamed big dreams
98. made plans for next summer