i don’t generally take naps. mostly because my sleep is so fucked up napping makes thing worse and also because i can’t nap without sleeping for like five hours.

but today i indulged myself. i took a nap on the couch. i hadn’t planned it. i just sat down to think, but then paco crawled into my lap and madison curled near my feet and the next thing i knew i was asleep.

i like napping on the couch. it’s not real sleep. it’s some sort of weird not very awake but not completely unconscious type of activity. i specifically like napping on the couch because then i can indulge in one of my favorite fantasies. the fantasy where i can curl up next to someone and they just hold me while i sleep. the nap is perfect for this fanatasy because it has a back that with my imagination turns into a broad chest i can curl into.

it was a good nap. i got to pretend for awhile that there was someone who wanted to hold me and i didn’t feel so alone.