i seem to forget the simple fact that you cannot make people care about you. i forget that i am a mirror, and that’s all that matters. as long as i can reflect the good stuff back at them, they want me around. but when the mirror is dull and in need of some shine and attention, they don’t want to deal with it.
tonight i wanted someone to care. i wanted to feel like i mattered and that i was making a difference. that i was different.
i don’t and i’m not. that makes me angry.
tonight i will curl myself into a ball and will myself to disappear. i will cry until my face feels like it’s been turned inside out and i will try not to care so much. tomorrow i will wash the sleep from my eyes, dress in armor and paint on a fake smile that will fool everyone. and i will not care.
This breaks my heart Jodi. You don’t deserve this.
It always hurts when you aren’t treated as you should be, but you know it’s not anything you did. It doesn’t make the immediate pain any less sharp; Rather it seems more acute.
You are lovable, and it’s wretchedly unfair that he’s pinning those feelings on a dead relationship. You are likable, and while he likes you a lot, he’s UNABLE to give you what you NEED. His absence of available love can only be described as maddening; He needs to move on before he can give that love to someone else, but he’s mired in grief for the love lost with his ex.
It’s all him, Jodi. And it sucks, but know that it’s all him. You’re perfectly fine, he just can’t let go of the past to embrace the present… to embrace you completely.
Once TTHM finally sees that his mourning of his past relationship is gaining him nothing but an emotional equivalent of picking off scabs with a spon of salt, he’ll be able to offer love to the lovable. If he’s extremely lucky and fast, you might still be there. But only if he’s lucky and fast.
What Thomas said.
My heart breaks for you, too.
I think you matter. Ditto to Thomas