there’s things i’d like to phrase someway

do you think if i were a gay man, bob mould would date me?

i’m sitting here listening to Don’t Want To Know If You Are Lonely and i’m all ‘sing it bob, you are so right.’** because, you know, i’ve been really lonely and unsure lately. really, very, sadly lonely. when i get lonely, i think of the former-outlaw. because he was the one who for so long made me feel not lonely.

and really there’s a part of me that hopes he’s so fucking miserable he can’t get out of bed and that he’s ruing the day he broke my kind, beautiful and foolishly trusting heart. i hope he’s lonely. but i don’t really want to know about it. because if i knew then my kind, beautiful and foolishly forgiving heart might let him back in.

but then Never Talking To You Again come on and again, i’m all ‘sing it bob.’ i’m never talking to him again. i’m tired of wasting all my time. and i’m thinking that even though i’m lonely and stuff, i will not waste my time with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. i cannot even waste the time to think that maybe if. . . maybe if i e-mailed him or maybe if i wrote him a letter or maybe if. . .

so then i listen to See a Little Light and i know. i know i can’t. i know there is no maybe if. there is no if. but. . . there’s still a little light. it’s not his light, it’s mine all mine. and you know– somedays all i need is a little light to get through.

so, that’s why i’m wondering if maybe i were a gay man bob mould would want to date me. because i can relate to his songs so well and all that we’re bound to have stuff in common.

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3 Comments

  1. jodi 10.Jun.03 at 2:39 pm

    ** technically i think grant hart sings this song, but well that’s not what i was thinking. i was thinking about bob.

  2. Dara 10.Jun.03 at 4:21 pm

    Oh dear, if “See a Little Light” can’t perk you up, I don’t know what will. I am sure there is a hetero Bob Mould-loving man out there for you, Jodi. You just haven’t found him yet.

  3. jodi 10.Jun.03 at 4:30 pm

    oh, “see a little light” totally perks me up. it saved the day!