sisterly advice

i just got this e-mail from sister #3:
Think about it. If some guy came up to you and said. Hi, I’m a real asshole. I fall in love with girls over the internet and then break their hearts. My latest girly is an ex-stripper from Canada. I had this really sweet girl from Minnesota but I’d rather date slutty bitches. Would you date him? NO!! You’d run like hell. So why get caught up in him now? He’s not your type. Guys who go for slutty bitches aren’t the men you WANT. You won’t miss him, you’ll only miss the man you wanted him to be!

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  1. ketut 16.Jun.03 at 3:22 pm

    Right on sister #3!

  2. Edge 16.Jun.03 at 3:53 pm

    I say this with all seriousness: this is one of the most insightful things I think I have ever read on a blog.

  3. jodi 16.Jun.03 at 4:05 pm

    yeah, with missing the man i wanted him to be, she pretty much hit the nail on the head.

  4. Bonny 16.Jun.03 at 4:11 pm

    I think you’re missing someone you actually haven’t met yet.

  5. jodi 16.Jun.03 at 4:34 pm

    i think you are exactly right. i think i’m missing the parts of him i knew and liked and all the parts i gave him to make him perfect for me.

  6. wendy 16.Jun.03 at 4:37 pm

    i think your sisters are the coolest ever.

  7. Dr. Phil 16.Jun.03 at 10:06 pm

    My only issue with what your sister said, Jodi, is the instant assumption that an ex-stripper would be a “slutty bitch.” Why is it that people who work in the sex industry are instantly stigmatized like that?

    For all you or your sister know, she could be a very lovely girl. Rather than have your sister unleash her venom at her (we call that “transference”), it seems the real problem lies in the boy.

    Whom, from reading your blog (and using it often as the basis of inspiration for a certain hit TV show, which shall remain nameless!) sounds like he fits the bill of “asshole” in every which way.

    So, yeah. Just remember: females have to stick together. And men have to stick to them.

    Don’t fragment an already oppressed minority (females).

    Also, if you happen to be near a TV around 4PM each day, there’s a popular TV show starring a popular Doctor that you might like to watch. I won’t name names, though ;).
    Be well.

  8. jodi 16.Jun.03 at 10:14 pm

    dr. phil, you’re right. i thought about that a lot myself. and she probably doesn’t even know about me and how he hurt me. and she’s probably a lovely woman, i have no idea. i don’t know her in the least. but, as far as my sister is concerned, any woman who has anything to do with someone who hurt me is a slutty bitch.

  9. jodi 16.Jun.03 at 10:17 pm

    by the way phil, weren’t you just stephen king last week?

  10. Thomas 17.Jun.03 at 7:03 am

    “Females have to stick together”

    Is there some adhesive females secrete that they “have to stick together”?

    Seriously though, I take umbrage to the anti-male tone of “Dr. Phil’s” post. Far too often men as a group are disparaged as being assholes, cheaters and just bad in general. A question for the women who feel this way; would you drown your baby boys to keep them from becoming men? If being a man is so inherently evil, why not do it? Would your derogatory remarks feel just as self-gratifying if instead of “man” you replaced it with “Jew” or “black”?

    The former outlaw is an anomaly, and aberrant example of humanity at it’s worst. He is not a standard of character for men. Should we think of all women as heartless murders because individual women have slain their families? Of course not, yet many people have run up to say that the former outlaw’s actions are “typically male”.

    I won’t stand for it, nor will I lay, sit, bend, curl or bow to it. Men, as a group, are not bad; the former outlaw, as an individual, is.

  11. MJ 17.Jun.03 at 10:35 am

    Females *do* stick together! You ever see a group of them at a club? Especially, say, three of them dancing together? The bond cannot be broken! We call them ‘proton units’ because they use the same nuclear force which holds all matter in the universe together… Actually, maybe I can’t break the bond because I am an ubernerd who uses quantum physics to describe women.

    She wrote a good email, “you’ll only miss the man you wanted him to be” could be a killer song lyric.

  12. Bonny 17.Jun.03 at 11:05 am

    For the sake of discussion…not personal to Jodi, but in general…sometimes people you want JUST DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. They may make an attempt, and it just doesn’t stick. When they realize that it isn’t gonna happen, they break up with you. It’s not necessarily evil. They are not necessarily bad people. Hasn’t everyone been on that side once or twice???

    The best thing the (real) Dr. Phil ever said, that I heard, is: “You’d worry less about what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

  13. jodi 17.Jun.03 at 11:15 am

    i agree with you bonny! sometimes things don’t work out, no matter what. that’s not evil, that’s life.

    what is evil is lying repeatedly to someone over and over again. telling them it’s just not working out and you need to be alone all the while courting someone else. evil is lying, even when you are asked about this other woman and you deny any involvement. that, to me is evil.

  14. Bonny 17.Jun.03 at 11:26 am

    For the sake of argument, if (in my dating days) I told someone it wasn’t working out, I wouldn’t feel as if I owed that person any details of my personal life. What do y’all think?

  15. jodi 17.Jun.03 at 11:29 am

    i think if you are “working with” someone they are part of your personal life. and yes you owe them something, especially after a year. two weeks, probably not– i don’t think there’s any pat answer for every situation. if you were dating someone for 19 years and they just offered up, “yeah, it’s just not working out.” you’d just accept that answer and move on?

  16. andrea 17.Jun.03 at 11:36 am

    i think he should have been honest.

    it’s possible also that he wasn’t being honest with himself just as much as he wasn’t being honest with jodi.

    for example, a friend of mine recently got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. she kept telling herself and her ex that it was because the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. it was actually because she had been developing feelings for someone else(and started dating him right away after she broke it off with the first guy).

    she was lying to herself at least as much as she’d been lying to the ex. she wanted to believe that it wasn’t because of this other guy, because she didn’t want to be the kind of person who would do something like that. but she couldn’t NOT have her feelings.

    the best thing would be to be honest… with yourself and with the person who cares about you. but people often have a hard time owning up to the truth.

  17. Thomas 17.Jun.03 at 4:19 pm

    No, this guy wasn’t lying to himself. He’s just a lying snake who is going to try to hurt the ex-stripper too. Justice would be him waking up in a bathtub full of ice, a missing kidney, an empty wallet, “welcome to the world of herpes” written on the mirror with “call 911 or you will die” just below it. And the paramedics drop him. And he gets a papercut in the corner of his mouth, and they only have spicy chili to eat at the hospital. And he ends up with a cavity in his back molars. etc…

  18. Mel Gibson 17.Jun.03 at 5:54 pm

    I was not, in fact, Stephen King or Dr. Phil, Miss Jodi. I was Mel Gibson.

    I am using your blog as an inspiration for my acting career. I think that’s pretty clear, since I’ve just signed to do “Lethal Weapon 5: When Hot Boobs Attack.”

    It’ll be right after the Jesus movie. I’ll be wearing a Replacements shirt. Watch for it!


    Mel Gibson

  19. dweebie 18.Jun.03 at 10:23 am

    I tend to agree with Bonny. Yes it hurts like hell to be betrayed, to not be chosen, but that’s life. We go through these dating/mating rituals to see whom we can live with and be happy, and it
    takes a certain amount of experimentation. Some partners will not be chosen. Sometimes we’re the rejectees and sometimes we’re the rejectors. It helps guide us in the future by observing patterns in what kind of mate we want to avoid and also how much of our ideal love is only an illusion created in our own minds. If that’s the case, maybe we won’t repeat our mistakes and find a person who genuinely meets our expectations. We all know we aren’t perfect, yet we expect others to be. You can’t go into a long term relationship expecting the other person to be perfect all the time. We all have our own foibles and faults. Don’t hold anyone else to a higher standard than you would yourself. Maybe you’ve got the honesty part covered, but we all have some aspect of us that needs development. He sincerely may not have wanted to hurt you and didn’t know how to cut it off without doing so. Just remember sister friend, your a survivor, we as humans are extremely resiliant, use this experience as guidance in the future and let it go. {just my opinion ;-)} There’s enough evil in the world without vilifying someone you really cared about, try to remember what was good and then let it go.

  20. Dick 18.Jun.03 at 12:45 pm

    Some have found that adhearance to certain positive principles (honesty,understanding,empathy,love,patcience,compassion,openmindedness,responsibility etc.)will lead to a set of values/beliefs that will not collapse when lifes burdens weighs us down. Living by positive means or negative means is choice, both have their consequences. Acceping others as they are does not imply that I have to support certain behaviors. Waiting for annother to come along who has values I can get behind may be a fruitless persuit. Waiting does not = patcience. All material things including lovers, children, comfort items etc may come and go. The way we choose to live and our beliefs cannot be taken from us. We can however abandon them. There is nothing I know of more valuable than the positive side of the human essence. The gifts.. freedom to be who we are, freedom from judgment,
    freedom to make mistakes, to feel feelings good and bad. To enjoy and appreciate life in the moments it! I love your site because you dare to be open and let us in. I have faith that if you continue to work on your awareness and do the footwork you will allow more of what you need into your life. You already have so much. Great sense of humour too. As for the former unworthy suitor. He should be hunted down in the manor on would a rabid dog and put out of his misery. Please excuse the spelling.


  21. Thomas 18.Jun.03 at 3:25 pm

    Wow, everyone is very insightful and has such re-affirming things to say.

    Me? I think he should stub his pinky toes, fall asleep on his arm, get a pubic hair caught in his underwear, and run out of gas while in the lead on the last lap…


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