so that sucked

there was a complete and total melt down during this week’s episode of dawson’s creek. sure it was sad with dawson’s pop dying and all, but really there was no excuse for my reaction. i sobbed. gut wrenching, can’t breathe, snot running down my face, sobbing.

you know, i’ve been feeling stressed this week. i’ve got a lot on my plate, but this. . . this caught me by surprise. it came right outta left field.

my heart got spanked a bit last night. not broken, not hurt, just spanked for misbehaving. someone gave me a heavy dose of reality (one which was most necessary). the fairy tales have been shaken from my head, the dream stars have fallen out of my eyes and i will be much more realistic.

rationality and realism has never been my strong suit, but as i get older i am doing better and better. sometimes, like lately, i still fall into hopeless romantic, fairy tale mode and my imagination runs away with me.

i jsut wonder, at what point to do you call it a life and fully accept the fact that maybe, just maybe you weren’t meant to be with someone? that maybe you’re an eternal bacherlorette and that’s they way it will be and there is nothing wrong with that?

at what point can you give up the fairy tales and hopeless romantic hopes and not be seen as a bitter, jaded harpie, but a woman, alone, independent and ok?

and i really, really want to know at what age you stop chiding yourself for foolishly believing and how in the hell to put the marketing spin on the fact that you’re alone, always have been and always will be.

(Visited 8 times, 1 visits today)

8 Comments

  1. erica 31.Oct.01 at 11:05 pm

    you should never keep both feet on the ground all the time. with out day dreaming life is bland.

    don’t worry, one day your soul mate will confess his love for you. Ahhhhh.

  2. heather 31.Oct.01 at 11:18 pm

    nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

    it airs on a different night here!! i won’t see it ’til saturday! now… mitch? dead?! *choke*

  3. Calli 01.Nov.01 at 2:38 am

    I ask myself those questions on occasion as well, being nearly 32 and single all my life. Maybe I was meant to be alone… maybe I still have things to sort out before I’m ready to add anyone to the puzzle that is my life. I don’t know and only time will tell, I suppose.

    Intellectually, I know being alone is ok, but emotions don’t always agree. Sometimes, I look at my aunt, who after two failed marriages and even more failed relationships, finally found the good one… at 50-something. What I do know is that if it ever does come my way, I’ll know how special and precious it is and appreciate more than I would have if it had happened earlier in my life.

    Realism is a good thing, but what is life without hope and being open to possibility?

  4. Kevin 01.Nov.01 at 9:43 am

    First, I can’t believe they killed off The Flash (anyone remember that show?).

    Second, before I met my wife, I thought I’d be alone for a long time. I had broken off an engagement and thought I was pretty bad at all this love stuff. But, I realized that even if I was going to be alone, I knew it might not always be that way. I decided to become a pragmatic optimist, work on being comfortable alone and keep an eye out for the possibility of love. It must have worked, because I’m happily married and have a great wife and son. I think the being comfortable with myself was the key. Once I got to a point where I could be happy in my own skin and not be overcome by loneliness (well, not often), I was ready to get out there and put myself on the line, because (other than run-on sentances) I knew that rejection wasn’t scary anymore. I was fine being alone, therefore if someone didn’t like me, that was OK.

  5. betsy 01.Nov.01 at 12:07 pm

    test

  6. betsy 01.Nov.01 at 12:13 pm

    sorry about the test thing above, but I typed a nice message and it go wiped out saying I didn’t include my name and comment, which I did. Anyway, I had written that maybe it is good to give up, to surrender and say, I will not be with someone else, so it’s time to make my life the best as possible under the circumstances. Then, start providing for yourself what you expect others to provide for you, like love, belief in you, valuing your sense of humor and intelligence. It seems like a rythm of life, or the grace of divine, that when we start loving ourselves and living responsibly for our own happiness, that we then find someone else who love us just as much as we love ourselves. So relax a little, stop trying so hard, give your self a break and a pat on the back for who you are and concentrate on you, and let the good stuff come to you. okay? now cheer up dearie and give yourself a hug!

  7. betsy 01.Nov.01 at 1:11 pm

    Also, give yourself a pet, if the circumstances allow, they’re good practice at loving relationships. Oh, and sorry Kevin, I pretty much repeated what you said, but nice to know we’re on the same page!

  8. jodi 01.Nov.01 at 1:36 pm

    i have two pets, paco and madison. they tolerate me at best.