i get so lost sometimes

i told ella on friday that if i am not married by the time i am 33, i will have a child all by myself. it’s the ultimate in selfishness, i know. but i don’t care. i want to have a child much more than i want a husband. and really, why should i have to wait for some silly man to decide if he loves me? why should i wait to find some silly man that i love?

i was just downloading some pictures of jaycie and max. just looking at those pictures fill me up with so much love for these little people that i don’t think my heart can handle it. i think will surely fall over from the sheer weight of emotion i hold for these two. sister #2 says that no matter how much i love jaycie and max, it will not even compare, not one single iota to how much i will love my own children.

the concept boggles my mind and terrifies me to no end. i cannot quanitfy feeling that much for one, single, little person. but i sure as hell want to find out how it feels. ‘sides i think the world deserves to have a child raised by me running around this planet. and i wouldn’t ever want to deny the world such greatness, do i?

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3 Comments

  1. Shorty 01.Oct.01 at 9:29 am

    It’s true about the kids; when you have your own, you finally know the bounds of your love, and anything you’ve felt in the past pales in comparison. I’ve told you this before,too… guess you must not have heard it, or you just didn’t think I could be right.

  2. kristine 01.Oct.01 at 10:46 am

    I think you are probably right – that it won’t compare to having your own. I’m scared with the prospect of molding a new life, but I want the chance. Hugs to you for such a neato post.

  3. andrea 01.Oct.01 at 9:41 pm

    i would love to meet that child someday. she/he would certainly be someone to behold!