i told ella on friday that if i am not married by the time i am 33, i will have a child all by myself. it’s the ultimate in selfishness, i know. but i don’t care. i want to have a child much more than i want a husband. and really, why should i have to wait for some silly man to decide if he loves me? why should i wait to find some silly man that i love?
i was just downloading some pictures of jaycie and max. just looking at those pictures fill me up with so much love for these little people that i don’t think my heart can handle it. i think will surely fall over from the sheer weight of emotion i hold for these two. sister #2 says that no matter how much i love jaycie and max, it will not even compare, not one single iota to how much i will love my own children.
the concept boggles my mind and terrifies me to no end. i cannot quanitfy feeling that much for one, single, little person. but i sure as hell want to find out how it feels. ‘sides i think the world deserves to have a child raised by me running around this planet. and i wouldn’t ever want to deny the world such greatness, do i?