I have locked myself away

I have locked myself away today. I am not sure why. I dont feel social. Perhaps that will change. Maybe I havent had enough alone time this week. Ha, ha, ha, right? Not enough alone time for the girl who is always lonely? Yeah, I am a study in contradictions. 65 and yet standing at the base of a building and looking up makes me shaky and nearly pass out– some sort of bizarre fear of heights thing. Im a homebody who longs to see the world. A 28-year-old who loves playing barbies. A lonely girl who wants to get married and have children, yet the thought of commitment makes me break out in a cold sweat. so yes today I have the big disco headphones on, the media player set to shuffle and maybe, just maybe Ill get some sort of work type stuff done. Or maybe I will sit and daydream and pretend to work. Maybe the fog (both outside the doors and inside my head) will lift and I will smile.

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