Dear Stella Artois,

I just want to thank you for capping off this perfectly perfect Saturday. Thanks to you I am pleasantly buzzed and wonderfully satisfied. See, Stella, this was the very first Saturday I had in Supergenius Headquarters all to myself. Nobody stopped by to bug me, I didn’t paint anything, i just cleaned up the joint, practiced for a good long time, napped a bit, and made a good dinner.

How fucking awesome is that Stella?

I was a little worried Stella, because I thought that getting my buzz on would make me do stupid things. Stella I’ve been in the mood for a little somethingsomething if you know what I mean. This mood (it’s been a year, for God’s sake) is leading me to think about doing some really stupid things, even when totally sober. Like calling up the last guy I slept with. I only want to call him up because he’d been willing in the past. But I cannot do that, because I treated him horribly. Apparently, like that episode of Sex in the City, women can fuck like guys.

However, I think we’re more ashamed of it when we do. You know? Fuck Stella, you got some punch. I am a backspacking motherfucker to try and get all my typos.

Shit Stella, I’m tired.