“i think your story could benefit from greater economy of language. it reads something like free association/stream of consciousness, which can be hard to read unless done by a master of the craft.”
“i’m not sure you make a strong enough case for why the character considers herself a freak”
“when the men find her hot and sexy, it’s not entirely convincing why she would remain a virgin that long”
god, i love the written comments on my manuscripts. i do!
incidentally, another woman said i reminded her of Dorthy Parker, and though I haven’t read any Parker yet, I think that’s probably a good thing.
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salinger on “To The River”:
“unclear” written above “needing a drink.”
And…
Oh, wait. That would be all.
Fucking asshole.
vodo on “The Toilet Duck Incident:”
–The dinner scene with Bob isn’t really working for me. What’s the story here? The conflict? I
It feels a little light, a little silly, e.g. “my lungs let loose with a series of barks that brought the waiter running to our table with a pitcher of water.” Did she really bark? Did the waiter actually run? It’s a little cartoony, you know?
I don’t know . . .I just don’t think this story is really about the “Toilet Duck Incident.” Ultimately, it’s about something much bigger than that.
I like that line.