superman’s junk

yesterday after wading through the 92,982 puppy and kitty calendars, i settled on a nice, tasteful DC Comics calendar featuring Wonder Woman, Batman, the guy i call Electric Man, Superman, etc.

well, upon closer inspection, i’ve realized it’s not as nice and tasteful as i first thought. see, everytime i look up at the calendar (which is quite a bit) all i see is superman’s giant package. it’s just sitting there at eye-level bulging lasciviously at me. who knew i could be so frightened by superman’s junk? but i am. plus, everytime i look all i hear is jason lee saying “it’s impossible. lois could never have superman’s baby. do you think her fallopian tubes can handle his sperm? i guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. what about her womb you think it’s strong enough to carry his child?. . . he’s an alien for christ’s sake. his kryptonian biological make up is enhanced by earth’s yellow sun. if lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. only someone like wonder woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. the only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. that would kill him.”

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9 Comments

  1. T.S. Quint 04.Jan.06 at 3:29 pm

    how is it that i go from the verge of hot floridian sex with brandi to man of steel coital debates with you in the food court?

  2. jodi 04.Jan.06 at 4:08 pm

    the cookie stand is not part of the food court!

  3. PeeWee 04.Jan.06 at 4:57 pm

    I have a happy bunny calendar.

  4. T.S. Quint 04.Jan.06 at 4:58 pm

    of course it is.

  5. jodi 04.Jan.06 at 5:00 pm

    nuhhuh. the food court is an established area downstairs, a part from all the stores. the cookie stand is not in that area. therefore, it is not part of the food court.

  6. Placemat 04.Jan.06 at 5:19 pm

    That damn kid is back on the escalator!

    As a comic book geek, this movie never fails to make me laugh.

    & That third nipple scene is way hot!

  7. T.S. Quint 04.Jan.06 at 5:20 pm

    the cookie stands count as an eatery; eateries are part of the food court.

  8. Ironic 04.Jan.06 at 8:33 pm

    Funny you mention “Superman’s Junk.”
    According to a story in Variety, Warner Bros is freaking out about the bulge in Brandon Routh’s pants for the upcoming Superman film. They want it digitally shrunk.

  9. jodi 04.Jan.06 at 9:06 pm

    if the junk in the movie is anything like the junk in the calendar, they should freak out! it will scare small children.