the next time i decide to move my bed at 9 p.m. in hopes of changing the bad mojo in my bedroom would someone kindly tell me not to? it’s not like moving my bed back to the other wall, the scene of the very last time i had sex with another human in my bed, is going to change anything tonight, right? nobody’s gonna suddenly knock on my door at 10 p.m. and say, ‘hey, i was just waiting for you to move that damn bed, let’s get it on’, right?

yeah, i didn’t think so. but hope springs eternal and all that. i can’t remember the last time i moved the bed in hopes of fixing the aforementioned bad bed vibes, but i can safely say that no sex with another person was had in that bed since the move. moving it back has got to do something, right?

well now it’s moved and all, and can i just say that moving a queen-sized bed is a lot of damn work when you’re all by yourself.

come on, now do you want to have sex with me? come on! i’m a big, strong bed moving amazon goddess who stinks like a lockeroom at the moment, but that can be easily remedied. in fact it’ll be remedied soon, i swear.