Dear Darling Ones,

I like to do big deals on the 6th of the month. Be born (June 6th). Have a stroke (March 6th). Face cold, hard facts (July 6th).

What? You might be asking yourself. What cold, hard facts? Today is July 6th and I’ve seen exactly zero facts faced. Cold, hard, or otherwise.

Well, I’m here to tell you about not 1, not 2, but 3 cold, hard facts I am facing.

Cold Hard Fact #1

I have to apply for Social Security Disability.

Just typing that sentence makes my stomach roil. I’m both scared and kind of ashamed. What if I don’t get it? Am I disabled enough? Will they just think I’m lazy?

I would love to be able to work at full capacity. But the distortion caused by my macular edema makes spending hours trying to read a computer screen exhausting and difficult. Having to blow up my screen to 200% makes web design so slow.

Neither of these things make work impossible, just slow going. I’m still working for my most loyal clients and it makes me so happy. However, I don’t have enough work to support myself nor do I have the visual capacity to work more hours.

And physically, I’m kind of a nightmare. I can’t stand unassisted for more than 90 seconds. I can’t walk without my walker. And with the tremor in my right arm, I’m ill-suited for any work I can think of.

While it might seem I’m trying to justify this to you, Darling Ones, I’m really justifying it to myself. Not being able to support myself is humbling, but then so is begging the Internet for money, which is not the keen financial strategy it looks like.

Cold Hard Fact #2

I’m not going to finish my State Fair Blanket in time for this year’s fair.

Ugh. I hate failing. I also hate when reality interferes with my magical thinking.

But, I’m just not going to be able to create a bitchen, blue-ribbon worthy blanket in the next 24 days.

What was I thinking? For all the reasons work is difficult, crocheting is also difficult. Not impossible, just slow.

Plus, I vastly underestimated how long it would take me to translate my idea into yarn. It took me six weeks and many failed prototype just to get a single motif for the blanket to work. I’m being purposely cryptic here because I want to final reveal to b e a surprise.

So, next year will have to be my year. Thankfully, the State Fair accepts submissions that were made within three years of the submission date.

Cold Hard Fact #3

My twenty-ywo-year relationship with the woman who was my best friend is over.

This is the toughest, coldest fact to face. Last July 6th, I wrote this about her, However, I did repeatedly remind her what a good person she was while murmuring out loud to myself that she really is the best friend.”

A lot can change in a year.

This person who so kindly filled out my physical & occupational therapy intake forms last year is also the person who, last week, wrapped every gift she won from Rock & Roll Bookclub Dirty Santa in pastel tissue paper, put them in a colorful gift bag, dropped them off on Sister #4’s doorstep, and texted my mom that there was a “belated birthday gift” outside for and my sister.

Yeah.

Actually, factually, yours,
Jodi