Mostly Gloom, Very Little Doom

Hi Darling Ones,

How are you? I’m alright. Grief continues, abated for the most part.

Friday was the first Friday since my dad died where I didn’t spend the entire day saying, “Dad died X weeks ago today.” I realized that on Saturday and felt wretched. In return he’s haunting my dreams. Seems fair.

Aside from that, I stacked up a few good days in a row mood and work wise. Then my brain and mood rebelled and I had to spend the majority of the last five days shirking all responsibility, tipped over on the couch reading books, listening to that new Plains record on repeat, and making Beef & Barley soup (I did this in the kitchen not tipped over on the couch).

At one point on Thursday after doing zero work on Wednesday and following that up with zero work on Thursday I said to myself, “Boy, you are making a lot of bad decisions.” That did not stop me from continuing my bad decision-making streak by doing zero work on Friday.

If you catch me bellyaching about how stressed I am about work next week feel free to point out that it is 100% my fault, because it is.

Lest you think my life is all Gloom & Doom, let me update you a little bit on the list of needs I mentioned last month.

  • Old-fashioned donuts. I bought six of these bad boys a few weeks ago when they were on sale and ate every single one. Not all in one day, mind you. I ate one a day for six days.
  • Someone to figure out what I would like for dinner and then bring that dinner to me. I’m still accepting applications for this position.
  • The Gin Blossoms’ “New Miserable Experience” on vinyl. Darling Ones, while I generally hate when my patience is rewarded because being patient sucks, guess what? My patience was rewarded. I nabbed a pretty decent copy of this on Discogs for $30 and it makes me so happy.
  • OR someone to talk this person into taking my really low-ball offer. Obviously this doofus should have accepted my $60 when he had the chance.
  • A refill on my water. I did this by myself.
  • For grief to be more linear, rational, and less exhausting. Still waiting on this. I’m having my mom & Maxwell over for dinner next week and I’m afraid it’s going to send me into a sadness spiral.
  • The new season of Top Chef. Still waiting. . . . thanks for nothing Imginary Boyfriend Tom Colicchio.
  • A shower. I’ve taken a shower since I made this list, but now am in need of another shower. Like laundry this is one of those stupid things I have to do over & over again.
  • A caramel apple. I often joke that I’m an Affy Tapple girl in a pumpkin spice world. I love these things. I got one next to me on the windowsill. I’m just waiting for it to come to room temperature before devouring it.

Mostly gloom, very little doom.
Jodi

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2 Comments

  1. Tom Edmonson 16.Oct.22 at 8:23 pm

    Jodi, I’m just a random reader, but wanted to say that I appreciate your openness and honesty about your grieving experience. When my dad died 11 years ago, he had cancer, and we could all see the end coming, but it didn’t make any of it one bit easier. The big surprise for me was how it was afterwards, alternating between pain/loss and almost total numbness. I remember feeling, for the first time in my life, that I didn’t give a fuck about anything. It *slowly* subsided, and I recall, about 6 months into it, being startled at feeling mild enjoyment about something.
    This is all to say that I’m sorry for your loss, and that the emotions you’re feeling are really fully valid and normal, so, if you can, cut yourself some slack. Take care.
    Tom

    Reply
    1. Jodi Chromey 17.Oct.22 at 8:46 pm

      Hoo. It’s nice to read that the “don’t give a fuck about anything” stage is a real thing. I am smack dab in the middle of that right now and I’m making so many bad decisions because of it. SO MANY!

      I’m sorry for your loss and I’m glad to read that enjoyment will eventually return to my life on a regular basis.

      Reply

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