The Perfect Adult Tasks Storm

Buckle up, Darling Ones,

Or maybe ducking is in order? I’m in the midst of weathering a perfect storm of responsible humaning and I’m very cranky about.

I usually try to the spread out the bullshit tasks that come with being an adult grown up who wants to function on some level. For instance, I never empty the dishwasher the same day I must fold laundry. Because I excel at procrastination and I’m not above squalor this rarely happens, where I have to do two tasks on the same day.

So I don’t know what the fuck happened with today. I blame Wendell. That furry fucker woke me up at 5:16 a.m. because he was relentlessly and noisily pawing at my dresser. I’d yell at him to knock it off and he’d stop for only as long as it took to walk to the other side of the dresser and paw at it again.

The ding-dong dropped one of his pipe cleaner friends behind the dresser and could not rescue it. His arms are too short. After listening to him raise a ruckus for forty-five minutes I finally got out of bed, moved the dresser, and used a hanger to get the pipe cleaner for him.

Want to know what he did after that? He sniffed at it, jumped on the bed, and promptly went to sleep.

When I saw one of my biggest flaws is being a sucker for a cutieface, this is one example of that. See also, my last relationship and 903 other dumb things I’ve done.

My mojo is all discombobulated now, which is the only way I can explain why I had to do all the adult garbage today, including literally taking out the garbage.

Here’s a short list of tasks I did today:

  1. Put laundry in the dryer.
  2. Fold & put away the laundry that had been chilling in the dryer for two weeks.
  3. Empty the dishwasher.
  4. Get groceries.
  5. Put away the groceries.
  6. Drag the garbage bins into the garage.
  7. Pay the electric bill.
  8. Postpone jury duty.
  9. Work.

How do people do all those tasks all the time on the same day? Sometimes many days in a row? Is this why nobody reads books anymore because they’re too busy doing the fucking laundry or the dishes? No wonder people are tired and cranky all the time.

Here’s a short list of funtivities I did today:

At some point I’m going to have to figure out what to have for dinner, but that may be one task too many. I might just eat cherries and Hawaiian Punch popsicles (the smartest thing I’ve purchased all summer). I might take a wee nap to see if I can’t adjust this attitude. I might light the entire world on fire.

Crankily yours,

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