A Relaxation Was Performed

Happy Religious Observations Weekend, Darling Ones.

For the first time in recent memory I was able to successfully cancel Easter. I didn’t have it in me. Not in a sad or angry way. I just didn’t wanna, and so I didn’t. BFK tried to lure me to her house for Sunday brunch with promises of cinnamon rolls and eggs, but having cancelled Easter with my own family I would have been a shitty liar if I had spent Sunday with her family.

Besides, my Easter gift to myself was to do nothing. No things were to be done. I wasn’t gonna work. I wasn’t gonna clean. I wasn’t gonna castigate myself for not writing fiction or working on the new book idea I’m puzzling through in my head. I wasn’t gonna clean up the Sadness Gardens and admit defeat on some of the dead plants I continue to water in the hopes they will rise from the dead.

Instead of doing my usual — feeling bad about myself for not doing more — I chose to spend the weekend doing exactly what I wanted. This is much more difficult than one would thing. Figuring out what I want takes way more time and effort than I want it to. I’m bad at both knowing what I want and making decisions.

For someone who swears by a slacker lifestyle I’m really bad at relaxing. I tell my clients all the time how I really hate being busy and try to make a conscious effort to never be busy. I do really well at appearing unbusy. However, I have a brain that constantly buzzes and whirs and never ever not for one single second shuts the fuck up. Even at night when I’m sleeping I have multiple, epic, memorable dreams. My brain is kind of a motherfucker. Indecisive while simultaneously thinking about all the things all of the time? Get out of here with that garbage.

It took a lot of effort but I did manage to relax this weekend. I feel kinda good here as Sunday comes to an end.

I read (the very, very excellent & mind-bending) How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu. I took naps. I gave this joint some new fonts and a header. Basically, the blog equivalent of a haircut. I watched the Theranos documentary where Elizabeth Holmes was quoted in The New Yorker saying, “a chemistry is performed so that a chemical reaction occurs. . .” about her Edison machine.

The highlight of today was organizing my records. A lot of records have come into my life lately and they’ve been tossed haphazardly around my dining room, which is where my record player is. I remedied this mostly because I found the wood polish and I wanted to give the crusty old China cabinet a shine. If you look at the picture at the top here, you can see how nice she cleaned up.

For the record (heh), I’m mostly alphabetical & then chronological within each letter for both books and records. I do not consider organizing any other way organization. I can barely find things with this method. However, my 45s are haphazardly tossed into a rack with zero thought to organization, but then I only have about six.

The sub highlight of my day was making Easter Dinner for one. There was no ham or au grats or dinner rolls or family to please. I made a spicy, vinegary ramen topped with crispy pork. It was fucking good.

It was a fucking good weekend, Darling Ones. I forgot that was a thing that could happen.

Contentedly yours,

P.S. I tried to work in a Frankie Goes to Hollywood relax joke in there at the end but I couldn’t make it work.

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