The COVID Diaries: I Took a Nap & Ate Cookies Today

Well Darling Ones,

I do believe we are in the waning days, maybe even hours of my COVID infection. Today was the first day I didn’t wake up feeling like my lungs were filled with mold. However, I’m fucking exhausted despite sleeping pretty well last night and I’m not sure what that is all about.

Because COVID refuses to totally vacate the premises I decided I have COVID+ a variety of other illnesses including, but not limited to:

  1. Bronchitis
  2. Brain tumor
  3. Pneumonia
  4. Narcolepsy
  5. Brain cloud
  6. Sinus infection
  7. Long COVID

All the exhaustion today might be a Mucinex hangover. Have you ever had Mucinex? That shit does not mess around.

I took it for the first time yesterday and while I’ve never been roofied, my assumption is that it’s not much different than taking Mucinex. I lost consciousness against my will and when I woke up I was unclear what day or year it was. For the record, today is Thursday, March 689th, 2020.

I was so alarmed by the reaction that I had to google to make sure I wasn’t dying. I had no idea severe drowsiness was a side-effect of Mucinex. Frankly, I was a little afraid to take it even though there are loads of it around the house. You see, when Cade was in the midst of his substance use problems Mucinex was his drug of choice.

After I had to kick him out, Maxwell found a ton of substances in the loft where Cade was staying. Amongst that stash were three or four sheets of Mucinex. I have no idea how such a little guy like him was able to take so much of it. I’m a fucking giant and two of them knocked me on my ass.

The exhaustion could also be the result of too many leftover enchiladas for lunch.

Or the fact that it’s January in Minnesota and I think the high temperature today was 10ยบ.

Or you know, maybe it’s the continued existential burnout of being two years into a pandemic in a country that literally does not give one teeny, tiny, tenth of a shit about human beings.

Anyway, this is a very long way to tell you that I took a really delightful and much-needed nap after lunch today. Then when I woke up I ate two M&M cookies with a thermos of tea. Oh, yeah, I drink tea in the afternoon now like some sort of, I don’t know sophisticated tea drinking lady. I’m not a big fan of hot tea. It tastes like hot water with like dirt in it or something. But, I started drinking the hot tea at the beginning of my illness because the warmth felt good on my sore throat and aching chest.

Now I do it because it still feels good. I mean it tastes like, well, it tastes like honey because I squirt a lot of that shizz in there. But, it’s cozy and I like that. Plus, I got this super cute Yeti thermos from Peace Coffee (Yeti the cryptid not the expensive brand) and I’m like Pecola Breedlove in The Bluest Eye, where I will drink the shit out of something just so I can stare lovingly at the vessel. I even got some Sleepytime Tea to see if that will bring about the sleepy times.

Sophisticatedly yours,

P.S. This is probably the last entry in this latest round of The COVID Diaries, god-willing & the creek don’t rise maybe the last entry ever? MAYBE? WHO KNOWS? WE’RE SO BAD AT THIS AS A COUNTRY THERE MIGHT BE 83 MORE ENTRIES COMING. I CAN’T PREDICT THE FUTURE.

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