Forcing Myself Through the Yuck

Well, Darling Ones,

Today I’ve been unable to out run the vague feeing of unrest/out-of-sortsness that has been plaguing the last few weeks. I’m blaming the current unease on the weather and bad air and the fact that I made the mistake of listening to NPR while running errands yesterday.

The Current lured me in with Japanese Breakfast’s “Savage Good Boy”* and then hit me with all of the doom and most of the gloom. Have you heard the news lately? It is not good. Delta Variant! Oregon is Burning! The Earth is Trying to Kill Us!

It was intense, and it bummed me out.

Climate change freaks me out on the same level the Cold War freaked me out when I was a kid in the eighties. If I start to think about it, no sleep will be had. I keep myself awake imagining ever worsening scenarios that end with the death of everyone I love. The worst part is that these scenarios are not wholly irrational and some of them are coming to pass (on a milder scale than my imagination) already.

In not totally unrelated news, my smart thermostat keeps wanting to go into eco mode because in Minnesota the Earth is trying to kill us by making it very hot for a very long stretch of time, but the thermostat is not smart enough to realize I’m a fat, perimenopausal lady and I just cannot with the heat. I like to make up for it by keeping it cold in here in the winter.

And another thing contributing to the out-of-sortsness, I learned that Pearl Jam’s debut album “Ten” will be thirty-years-old next month and that really hurt my feelings.

Also, I got my new computer specs today and the progressive lenses are a trip. My eyesight seems to change every time I move my head a fraction of an inch in any direction. So that’s fun.

I did not want to write here today because I was feeling kinda yucky in the brain, but I feel so much better already. I probably shouldn’t subject the Internet to my random, petty grievances and should keep them in a paper journal somewhere, but frankly I only write in paper journals when I’m way deep deep down in it over some romantic entanglement that isn’t going the way that I want it to go. It’s been a years since I’ve written in a paper journal. However, I do like to jot random things in my calendar, kinda like Sylvia Plath did. But you probably remember that.

Also, you should know, I’m going through a real “frankly” phase right now. I’m not sure where it came from but I had to delete two other franklys in this letter.

Also, I once dated a man named Frank who wanted me to say “I love you” whenever we had sex and I would fudge it and say “I love this” because I don’t say “I love you” unless I really and truly mean it.

But I love you, Darling Ones, I really do.


P.S. Today I told the new clients I’m working with they should never work with a writer who doesn’t like to read.

P.P.S.Today was my ONE THOUSANDTH day in a row of doing Spanish lessons on Duolingo.

*The whole new record gives me an early-80s Madonna vibe but in a smarter, more modern way. This is a good thing because if I was anything in 1984 it was a 6-foot aqua-eyeshadowed, Madonnawannabe who wore a neon pink t-shirt with a Madonna iron-on that she got at the shop that ironed things on shirts in the Northtown Mall.

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