SotW: Tempo

For the record, I love slow songs. I am a big fan of “old sad bastard” music, because I am frequently an old sad bastard, especially lately because 2019 is being a motherfucker to me and my people.

I’m not a big fan of the term hoes. This harkens back to my dislike of the word slutty. Again, though, I do love the word bitch. So I don’t really have a leg to stand on here, but I’m trying!

However, I am a big fan of Lizzo, maybe even her biggest (like legit size-wise and not in expertise about her life and her music). I’ve started just about every morning for the past week or so listening to the triple threat of “Tempo,” “Juice,” and “Cuz I Love You.” Lizzo’s music makes me feel very happy like deep down in my heart, even when my brain is miserable and I’m sad.

I’ve been known to burst into tears upon reading Lizzo’s Instagram, because she makes me so happy that she exists. That young people get to see her out there being fat and beautiful and full of self-esteem. Every day I wonder what my life would be like if someone like Lizzo was around when I was a teenager, because she makes me feel so much better about myself now when I’m forty-six.

Now, what is it about this song? This song is so much fun to sing. I sing the words, “Look at my ass, it’s fitty-fitty-fat” at least fifty times a day. Maybe more. for the record, my ass is more wide and flat than fat. It’s a disappointment, for sure.

I love this song so much it makes me wish I could still roll my Rs (I used to be able to but now my tongue is just 100% stupid Minnesotan and has no tricks), because Missy Elliott’s lines are, as the kids say, fire.

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