It’s Sunday & I’m Boring: The White Hot Fury All Caps Edition

Do you remember that month back in 07 when I was obsessed with Rob Sheffield? God, I loved Love is a Mix Tape. So much love.

However, the other day I discovered Sheffield has another book coming out this week, Turn Around Bright Eyes: The Rituals of Love and Karaoke and my first reaction was “fuck, we need another 40something white dude riffing on rock & roll like I need a fucking hole in my head.”

Then I scrolled down the book’s Amazon page and see a review by Chuck Klosterman and my head exploded. Because isn’t that a little like Ernie reviewing a book by Bert? At least that’s the way it seems to me. Really, really Ernie loved Bert’s book. Shocking.

I would just like to state for the record that I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE WHAT THAT LITTLE FRAT OF 40SOMETHING WHITE DUDES THINK ABOUT ROCK & ROLL and/or POP CULTURE. Enough. We can be done with their take on everything. DONE. DONE. DONE. Let’s let someone other than Sheffield or Closterfuck or Greg Kot or DeRogatis write about this stuff.

Like I already know what this new book says: I was lonely and awkward and heartbroken. I used music to heal my grieving soul and define myself and through music I met another girl and there was love. Also, I’m going to make fun of some of your favorites and proclaim as utter genius some Cheez-Whiz song everyone makes fun of. The End. Until my next book.

Publishing: give us a book with Jessica Hopper riffing for 300 pages on what she thinks about pop culture and rock & roll. I want to read that. Or how about Maura Johnston or anyone else for that matter?

Even though you don’t know this, I wrote all that about Rob Sheffield and blah blah this morning when I was farting about the Internet. It seems my day has been bookended by inane white-dude rock critic bullshit.

Because as I was driving home from Family Dinner tonight Sound Opinions was on The Current. After running to the bank I started to pay attention right at the part where Kot & DeRogatis are wanking on about, wait, I’ll just paste what they post from the footnotes to the episode:
“Is it fair to say Jack Whites an all-around good guy? First, he may have donated money to a Detroit baseball field. Then he pitches in to save the citys historic Masonic Temple. And now hes made a generous $200,000 donation to the National Recording Preservation Foundation. Three cheers for this former guest!”

Do you know what’s missing from that effusive praise of Jack White? The fact that his ex-wife filed a restraining order against him because she fears for her life. Sure this might be ridiculous coincidence, a show taped in advance that randomly praises Jack White happens to air the exact same week the story about the restraining order breaks. Sure. I buy that. And no, it doesn’t come of at all like doing a favor for a friend.

UPDATE: My pal @solace has confirmed the Sound Opinions episode was taped before the news of the restraining order broke and the bit of wankery was prompted by White’s donation to the Recording Preservation Foundation. However, if I were the Higher Power of Sound Opinions, I’d have pulled the episode because it makes them come off really bad and horribly insensitive)

UPDATE II: Greg Kot responds:

As many on Twitter were quick to point out, there’s two sides to every story, which I think means I should believe White over the woman who got a judge to issue a restraining order. You know, women be crazy. Women are always pulling that domestic violence card whenever things don’t go their way.

FUCK THAT!

I love how it’s automatically assumed she’s the money-grubbing shrew, because never in the history of ever has a famous man harassed/beat/killed his wife. Not ever. Why doesn’t she just leave, after all?

FUCK ALL THE THINGS.

I’m so damn mad I don’t even know what to do with myself. I did other things on this boring Sunday but they have all evaporated in the face of my white-hot fury.


The “It’s (Insert Day of Week) and I’m Boring” is a series that Christa and I do to pay homage to the beauty of old-school blogging. (I totally copied this nice explanation from Christa).

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7 Comments

  1. Maria T 04.Aug.13 at 9:24 pm

    A+ rant, would read again! Totally agree that Maura and Jessica need books of their own.

    Reply
    1. Jodi 04.Aug.13 at 9:37 pm

      Thank you! Yes, a book by Maura and a book my Jessica, and many many more by women of all ages and races talking about music they way they seem to let everyone with a penis go on about it.

      Reply
  2. Caryn 04.Aug.13 at 9:28 pm

    The people who say shit like that do not know how hard it is to get a restraining order, how much shit you have to go through to get one, and how much bullshit it requires to get a restraining order against a FAMOUS PERSON. Right, because judges all over the country are regularly granting restraining orders on zero proof! FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

    And you know, from all accounts, Rob Sheffield is the nicest guy. And I swear if someone wanted to give me a book advance to write about what I thought about rock and roll I would fucking take it in a heartbeat. But I have never ever resonated with Klosterman and always felt like the odd woman out at the party & been told I was just jealous that people paid him to write.

    Reply
    1. Jodi 04.Aug.13 at 9:32 pm

      What is it with Klosterman and the jealousy argument? I don’t like his stuff (post-Fargo Rock City) at all and I’m also told I’m just jealous. (also, I have nothing against Sheffield at all, and will probably read that fucking book because I do like his writing quite a bit).

      AND you are right about the restraining order. One of my sister’s works as an advocate for domestic violence victims, and people have no idea what kind of grave danger women have to be in for people to do anything about it.

      Reply
  3. ghostface killawhale 05.Aug.13 at 2:15 pm

    yeah, that’s just what the world is crying out for right now: 300+ pages of jesshopp calling stephin merritt a “cracker” and a racist. and maybe a few wildly inaccurate words about vampire weekend, too. because they’re the musical equivalent of george wallace or some shit.

    you know what’s really tired? hopper’s “i’m not a journalist” shtick. but hey, if it lets her get away with writing such insights as: ” It is the whitest (and by white, I mean white) music I have ever heard,” then more power to her.

    maura is totally rad, and i would read any book she had to publish. or i could just subscribe to her magazine (which i do) and pretend that a year’s worth of articles = one book.

    and maybe if your screed convinces enough people to NOT buy rob sheffield’s book (because who the fuck does he think he is anyway?), maura and jesshopp will finally get their chance. because that’s how things work in the publishing world: if people stop buying pop culture books by male authors, they’ll DEFINITELY start publishing books by female authors.

    Reply
    1. Jodi 05.Aug.13 at 2:27 pm

      I won’t argue with you about disliking Hopper, you are entitled to your opinion. However, I do want to point out that nowhere do I say “don’t buy Sheffield’s book.” I don’t make any disparaging remarks about him, his personality or his writing. You have invented that in your head.

      This screed, as you call it, isn’t about getting people to boycott Sheffield’s book (that’d be ridiculous). It’s simply venting frustration.

      Reply
    2. Jodi 05.Aug.13 at 2:30 pm

      And another thing, since you seem to know so much about how publishing works how is it that we get them to publish books by female authors? Hundreds of thousands of women would like to know.

      Reply

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