Dispatches from Supergenius HQ where nobody got any sleep last night

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  • If I die of spontaneous combustion or an aneurysm sometime within the next month I want you to sue the crap out of Dodge and their advertising agency. They have an asinine commercial running lately where the first line of the narration is, “Summer begs the question.” It makes steam come out of my ears every time I hear it and I hear it a lot. Dodge needs to fire their advertising agency and pay me reparations post haste. That shit is causing me much mental distress.
  • The lines at Target today were ridiculously long. So long that we were clogging up the main hall in front of the cash registers. One of the Target Dudes was calling up help and directing traffic. He called me “Sir” when directing me to a slightly shorter line. I didn’t say anything and maneuvered my cart over, at which point he discovered I was actually not a “Sir.” He then proceeded to call apologize for the entire time I was in line and repeatedly call me “Miss.” His inability to shut the fuck up made the whole situation 88% more awkward than it needed to be.
  • In other gender-bending news, I’m reading a book where one of the characters is a boy named Jodi. It disturbs me. However, it’s nowhere near as disturbing at that one book that featured a stupid, fat Aunt Jodi character who was only there to be stupid and fat.
  • I was completely pointless today due to being wide-awake at 5 a.m. This was not helped by the shitty night’s sleep that proceeded the ridiculously early wakeup call. Lightning storms can suck it.
  • Saturday night we had Rock & Roll bookclub on the Wolf’s patio. It was lovely even though nobody loved The Age of Miracles quite as much as I did. While I was there some sort of strange bug feasted on my right arm. Now my arm features three massive, weepy bug bites. I call them weepy because I’ve scratched them so much that some sort of strange, clear liquid keeps dripping out of them. Sometimes the liquid solidifies and it looks like I’ve expelled a teeny, tiny crystal from my skin. It’s disgusting and fascinating all at the same time. At least to me it is.

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