Dots: A ranking or, Yes, I did just write 500 words about a candy only I like

For a very, very belated Spinster Aunt’s Day Gift my niece, Jaycie, got me a big yellow bag filled with tiny boxes of Dots. It’s a fabulous gift. I love Dots. I especially love Dots when they come in the tiny Halloween-sized boxes. Halloween is when Dots are at their freshest.

As far as I’m concerned when it comes to non-chocolate candy, Dots are very nearly the best. Starburst are, obviously, the best.

What makes Dots so awesome is that they’re not disgusting Gummi-things. Gummi anything is nasty ass, be it bear or worm or any other shape. The same can be said for Fruit Snax which are just Gummi things in tiny bags labeled with the word “Fruit” to con mothers into thinking there might be something healthy in that bag. There is not.

But Dots are the bomb digs, mostly because they’re soft and chewy and have a bit of substance (in the chew factor and not in the actual nutritional value factor). They don’t feel slimy in your mouth even if you suck on one for awhile.

Now back to the teeny, tiny boxes of Dots which are the best way to eat Dots. Why? Because first of all, each box contains like 5-6 Dots which is the perfect serving. Enough to sate your Dot desire but not so many that you’ll get a stomachache. Sure you couldn’t eat just 5 or 6 from the large box of Dots but let’s be honest, I have no self control.

The other part of the fun of the teeny, tiny boxes is seeing which colors you get, each box is like a chance to win the lottery. Winning the Dot lottery means you get a box with no yellows, and mostly oranges and greens. Which brings me to the Dot ranking I mentioned in the title.

  • Worst: Yellow. They’re gross and lemony in a not appetizing way. They’re not quite as bad as the Lemon-Pledge-flavored Starbursts because the Yellow Dots are at least edible, but they ain’t so good.
  • Second Worst: Pink. I can’t tell if these jokers are strawberry or cherry. It confuses me. Plus, the color is kinda of weak. Not really Pink more a Light Red, which sounds dumb, but it is the truth.
  • Okay: Red. Again, is this cherry or is it strawberry? Nobody knows. At least the color is solid
  • Second Best: Orange. Solid orangey flavor + my favorite color. You can’t go wrong with an orange Dot.
  • Best: Green. No contest. All the other Dots consider themselves lucky when they end up in a box with the Green Dot. Limey and good. What’s not love about the Green Dot?
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  1. Lesley 14.Sep.11 at 4:19 pm

    Weird. I must’ve been touched by your fruit candy vibe. Earlier today i had an intense craving for some Jujyfruits. It made my TMJ flare up just thinking trying to chew one. I could probably get away with eating a couple of Dots though!

  2. NBFB 15.Sep.11 at 12:09 pm

    Dots lover here (in my top 5). We get Dots all the time at my house. To me, the tiny boxes are a tease.

    #1 is Mike ‘n Ikes – original.

    Starbursts are yummy, but the hassle factor in unwrapping each lowers their rank on my scale. In my top 10, but not top 5.

    1. Jodi 15.Sep.11 at 12:11 pm

      @NBFB, Mike n Ikes have taste more like sugar to me than anything else. Not a lot of flavor there as far as I’m concerned.

  3. Smoo 16.Sep.11 at 6:28 pm

    I love Dots too. But only if they are fresh, the stale ones feel like they are trying to pull teeth. I will also give you the correct order of awesomeness…
    1) Red
    2) Orange
    3) Pink I’ll grant you that the color is weak
    4) Green
    5) Yellow

  4. kell 18.Sep.11 at 11:43 pm

    Dots rule!

  5. AmyinMotown 21.Sep.11 at 10:41 pm

    You are not the only person to love Dots! My dad (who is awesome) loves them, so I always get the big Bag O’Sugar that includes Dots to hand out on Halloween and save some for him. Now my daughter, who adores her grandfather, gives him hers. (also, hi, new here, came for your post on fat discrimination and stayed for your blog name, despite the wicked song bomb it induces).

    1. Jodi 21.Sep.11 at 11:11 pm

      @AmyinMotown, If you spy the Halloween-themed Dots, pick them up! They’re blood orange flavored and absolutely divine.


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