When I first heard the news that Diablo Cody was going to write and produce a movie based on my beloved Sweet Valley High books I was incredulous. My first thought was, “if she turns Jessica into Juno, I’m gonna have to cut a bitch.”
As Barrett so kindly pointed out on Facebook, Cody’s project is almost exactly what I asked for. It just goes to prove the theory that the universe gives you what you ask for (ahem, can I have some John Cusack please?).
I can’t seem to decide what horrifies me more. If it’s that Cody is writing the movie (I’m not a fan of her work) or that they’re even attempting to turn SVH into a movie. My gut tells me it won’t end well. It will either be Juno with side-ponytails and legwarmers or it’s going to be a Brady Bunch Moviesque sort of farce ripping on the implausibility of so many of the books plots. Neither of which would make me happy.
What would make me happy? Probably nothing. I guess, now that it’s happening, I don’t want my childhood repackaged and fed to me as some sort of leftovers. I would much rather hold onto the memory of Sweet Valley that I have and what it meant to me then. I don’t think there can be a movie version of the books that pleases me. I’m of the belief that Hollywood generally sullies the beauty and wonder of the original material (even when it’s done well like Brokeback Mountain).
Of course, after saying all that, I have to admit I’ll probably see the movie on opening day. As the owner of this poster, I’m required to by law.