Since I was about thirteen or maybe fourteen (and 6’1″ thankyouverymuch) I’ve worn a men’s size 12 shoe. Since I wear a men’s size 12 shoe, I generally abhor shopping for shoes because I have to get clunky, ugly man-shoes and not sparkly, cute girl-shoes. This is one of the greatest tragedies of my life, and therefore I don’t buy new shoes very often and instead spend all my money on books. It’s called compensating.

Because I don’t buy shoes often, I wear mine until they either fall apart on my feet or they reek so badly that the neighbors start to complain. This seems to be a smart shoe policy. However, I have a big wedding to go to this weekend, and so I ordered some new shoes from Zappos to go with the new pants that better show up tomorrow or I will die.

Buying shoes online is generally pretty safe for the woman who has worn the same size shoes for nearly 22 years. When I bought my absolute favorite Skechers two or so years ago they were a little on the big side, but I dismissed it because it was the first time I had branched out from Doc Martens in like a decade and assumed it was because of the different brand.

So imagine my surprise when that happy box from Zappos arrives today and inside are a pair of damn clown shoes in size 12. Seriously. My feet, they are shrinking. For real. But the good thing is that I ordered my shoes from Zappos, and they have the kind of customer service that all the other customer services wish would go to prom with them. It’s that good. It’s better than that good.

I was just gonna order another pair of shoes in a smaller size and deal with the credit on the return later. But no, Zappos will have none of that, because Zappos wants to make sure I’ve been satisfied before he gets his rocks off. Instead they have you call them to make an exchange, and what do they do? What do they do? They send out the exchange pronto and they don’t even wait until you send back the clown shoes. Oh yes. Zappos is that good. So good in fact that the dude waived some fee and promised me I’d have my shoes my Friday. I think I came in his ear, which was totally called for.

Now, I’m pondering changing my relationship status on Facebook to show that I am hopelessly devoted to Zappos.