I’m about to head into two entire days of back to back to back meetings with an office holiday party sandwiched in between. I’m so excited I might just slip into a coma. As if being a corporate whore weren’t mind-numbing and soul-sucking enough, the man decides to stick you in a room with a bunch of people who want to discuss the very grave matters of making more and more money in urgent, impassioned tones. It’s sexy, I tell ya. And no, the fact that I love about nine of my co-workers more than you should love people you work with does not hide the fact that we are all big, ol’ corporate tools. It just helps that we all recognize this.

All of this dirty, dirty capitalism is made a teeny, tiny bit easier because I spent last night helping Kelly with her story, “Advanced Woods.” I’m more than a whore, I’m more than a whore, I’m more than a whore. I have to chant it to myself. Of course, working on her story made me turn to “Imaginary Boyfriend” manuscripts I got from my ‘mates.

Briefly, “Imaginary Boyfriend” is about this crazy girl who has phone sex with a bad boy she can’t have and actual sex with a boy she doesn’t want. There’s also talk of music, photography, and nipples in there.

Earlier I had read what Dale wrote and quit. Last night, with Kelly egging me on, I went through the rest of the comments. Most of them were great and helpful or totally unhelpful but kind and sincere.

Then I get to Vonnegut’s, and I laugh so hard my throat dries out and I can’t talk. I’m laughing so hard that I cannot even type the comments into Kelly’s chatwindow.

Here’s what he wrote:

I thought about phone sex but I can’t figure out how to make the phone fit.

I’d let my fingers do the “walking”

What happens if you get the phone pregnant?

And this, this is why I totally loved Vonnegut.