The flowers that Tony’s parents sent to my dad were sitting on the bar. Everyone asked how he was doing and I lied, saying “Oh, much better.”
Only, I didn’t know I was lying. After everyone left, Tony asked if I had heard about Dad and what was going on. Because my parents aren’t so good with the communication, I had no idea. As soon as I got home tonight I asked Sister #2 exactly what is going on. I guess he’s NOT doing better. In fact, he had blood tests come back and he had high BNP levels, which is a sign of heart failure. On Monday he goes in for an ecocardiogram. I guess we’ll know more then.
But that’s not what’s so terrifying me. What’s terrifying is that when he went into the hospital last week he told the doctor that he wanted a DNR (do not resuscitate). So if he goes down, he’s out for good.
It terrifies me because he has a bad heart. He had a quadruple bypass in 1998 or so. His family all has bad hearts. I think of his nine living brothers and sisters, like six of them have had heart problems. My Uncle John even had a heart transplant some 10 years ago.
So it’s very possible that his heart could stop, but he could be fine with a little work.
I’m so scared of losing my dad. I’m fucking terrified and I’m angry. I can understand wanting to die with dignity and all that. But my dad is only 56. He’s so young and I don’t understand why he’s so willing to give up. And I’m really angry that he’s so ready to leave us and isn’t willing to fight with everything medically possible to stay with us. I’m not ready for him to go.
I’m so scared.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad, Jodi. I thought it sounded like he was on the road to recovery. Keep us posted!
I’m very sorry to hear about your father’s ill health. You’re very much in my thoughts and I hope things change for the better.
you said that your parents aren’t so good with the communication, you, however, love to talk. seriously, sit down and talk to your dad. ask him specifically about his decision for a DNR. make him look you in the eye and tell you about his choice. it’s not going to help with the fear, but it might cure some of the anger.
TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!! I personally, do not like your father, but, like you said, damn it, he is YOUR dad and you want him around. I know the terrifying feeling that you are going through. I am so sorry.
My heart goes out to you, Jodi, and this reminds me of when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer at 59. The talk we had about his living will was terrifying, but afterwards we all felt better.
I know how tough it is to face losing a parent. It’s scary and hard. 🙁
Anyway, hope that your dad gets better soon.