Thank you all. I appreciate the thoughts about my dad. We have all talked to Dad about his DNR and he has repeated endlessly that this is his wish. He has said this since he had his heartattack eight years ago.

Last night the three of us here in Minnesota gathered and talked about it and cried about it. We’re all afraid. It’s tough. None of us live in his body, we do not know how he feels everyday. We have an overwhelming desire to beg, to cry, and to bully him into rescinding the DNR. But that’s because we’re not ready to lose him. It would be for purely selfish reasons.

And as much as it breaks my heart, and even though the very thought of it makes tears pour from my eyes. Me and my family have to respect his wishes.

Tomorrow we’ll hopefully know more about the condition of his heart. He could, very well, live for years with partial heart failure, his father did. In the end, we never know. It’s just dealing with the very reality of it all. While we all know that at some point our parents have to die, we always thinks it’s a long way off. Dealing with it is emotional.

It’s tough. The logical, rational part of my brain tells me that I need to just take it day by day. That worrying isn’t going to help anyone in anyway. But the weird, OCD part keeps thinking that if I don’t worry about it enough then something bad will happen. Like worrying is some sort of preventative medicine.