as part of my research for ‘The Short Story that was So Shitty it Made the Baby Jesus Weep’ I dug out my journal from 1993. while reading about my pathetic, never-ending, and ultimately unrequited crush on Johnson, i found this little bit about having sex for the first time (which was not, incidentally, with Johnson but someone else that I never really wrote about).
Sunday, February 20, 1994
12:40 a.m. — sitting on my bed listening to Neil Young
I should work through my sexual experience — but I am too ashamed to write about it.
In a way it’s kind of nice. I had this experience and there are only 2 people on earth that know about it — me and him. I can’t wait to see him again, because I’d like it to happen again and I want to see how we handle the situation. Perhaps tomorrow (to-)night he’ll come by.
I feel kind of good because now I can be included in the masses who has seen some action on our couch [Jodi@33 thinks this is really kind of gross].
I remember Jodi [Hanson, I was not referring to myself in the 3rd person] asking Christopher once if after scrogging with someone a day later if he would get this electrical zap that raced from your chest to your crotch. Just a quick zip. He said yes — Now I understand. I get it too! I feel so included.
I want to call and tell her so bad. I want to tell someone but I feel so stupid. Maybe I’ll just keep it to myself for a while longer.
He made me feel so good that night. oh and he tasted so sweet. I made the comment that perhaps my breasts weren’t big enough and he told me they were just fine. I felt very inexperienced but I guess I’ll learn. No amount of reading can perpare you for the real thing.
Oh– I hope he comes over tomorrow.