ally sheedy warned me that when you get old your heart dies, i thought she was wrong

1. i thought the world got together and unanimously agreed that Fridays were officially ‘slack’ days where not much got done, where i work is staging a protest
2. for some reason the iTunes original version of Liz Phair’s ‘Why Can’t I?’ is just breaking my heart
3. i am really quite lonely lately. lonelier than i have been in years, and it’s so rotten that just typing it makes my eyes sting with tears. i am afriad that i have given up on love and i don’t like to be the kind of person who gives up on anything. i don’t even think of it as a possiblity for me anymore and i can’t seem to figure out what changed that i have just ruled it out. it scares me that i haven’t even considered going on a date, finding someone to date or even whined about not having a date in months. has my heart died?
4. that is all

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4 Comments

  1. heather 31.Mar.06 at 12:34 pm

    sometimes you have to give up. it’s a complete and utter cliche, but it really is true. which is why it’s a cliche, i guess.

  2. kelly 31.Mar.06 at 2:54 pm

    OR, you’ve finally become comfortable and happy with yourself and have ceased the 20-something “quest” for happiness with a partner.
    Maybe lonely feelings like what you have now are akin to the married person’s “Holy shit why did I marry this asshole I ruined my own life” feelings.

    I’m always thrilled when I find that I’m not thinking about dating…it means my heart is starting to catch up with my brain that I don’t need to be married to be whole.
    Maybe your heart is doing the same thing–not dying, but growing.

  3. Lori 31.Mar.06 at 5:59 pm

    Yeah. What Kelly said. Hope you feel better soon. Have you tried the jelly bean solution?

  4. jeanette 31.Mar.06 at 7:24 pm

    This week I decided to give up giving up on stuff. i.e. I long ago accepted that a Replacements reunion was NEVER gonna happen…