i’ve spent most of the post-bowling evening listening to The Bootleg vol. 1: Commemorating 35 Years at First Avenue and reading through old, old, old iwilldare.com archives. i guess this is the time of year for reflection, so it is a bit appropriate. some of that stuff is hard to read. so hard to read that it makes my clicking finger itch for the delete button.
who was that girl?
i read my archives from 2002 and some of it seems like it could be written by another person. she was so painfully lonely, it makes my heart hurt. all she wanted was a boyfriend. because that 2002 jodi had decided that somehow a boy would make her happy. it’s painful to read such naked desire for something so inconsequential.
perhaps this is a sign of growth, being annoyed by the person you used to be. 2002 is entirely too close for me to have the sweet nostalgic affection i have for some of the other jodis i have been. instead, i’m a little angry at Jodi2002. i read through the archives and i think ‘enough! quit your bitching you maudlin old cow.’ which is harsh, but honest.
i was coming to final point, but it suddenly got lost in a coughing spasm that left me with half a lung coming out my nose. it’s not pretty. and now it’s late. well, it’s not really that late, but i’ve had problems sleeping. it’s the cold (which is almost gone, i can tell) preventing me from getting the right kind of sleep. perhaps tonight will be my night.